8 Red Flags the Pregnancy is a Trap
Many a man has been snared by an announcement that a woman is pregnant with his child. How can you tell whether an “accidental” pregnancy is a trap or legit? What are the signs someone is faking a pregnancy?
I've heard so many baby trap stories that I often ask couples that I'm counseling whether their children were planned. If the answer is "no", then I can ask more questions to get a sense of whether the pregnancies were just accidents or they were purposeful manipulations.
Baby Trapping a Man
A pregnancy may be accidental-on-purpose. Like the one a woman was working on when her boyfriend walked in on her inseminating herself with semen from his used condom. (She had retrieved the condom out of the garbage can!)
Women intent on baby trapping a man may not let the fact that they haven’t gotten pregnant get in their way. They may fake it until they can make it.
Accidents do happen. Sometimes the best-laid plans run amuck and create offspring.
Other times, women use pregnancy to trap their man or his money.
It can be very difficult to figure out if a surprise pregnancy was truly accidental or secretly planned.
I’m going to give you 8 pregnancy trap red flags and tell you how to protect yourself from being trapped by a pregnancy.
8 Red Flags that Her Pregnancy is a Trap
Trap Red Flag #1. The pregnancy pulled you back from the brink.
If you were thinking about breaking up with her—the pregnancy might be a trap.
It may be more than a coincidence that your girlfriend or wife announced she was pregnant right after you broke up with her. You might not have actually made the declaration that you were breaking up out loud yet but she was getting the break-up vibe from you.
The pregnancy may be a preemptive move to cut off your chance of getting away. She may be trying to ensnare you with the "lying about a pregnancy to keep him" trap.
Trap Red Flag #2. You’ve made it clear you don’t want kids now.
If you told her you don’t want kids now—the pregnancy might be a trap.
She may not care what your thoughts/feelings are about fatherhood, or she may have convinced herself that you’re going to be OK with having a child if it is flung on you, you’re just apprehensive about committing. So she decides to take the decision away from you and make it happen. She then says it was an accident, but it was actually the result of a well-conceived plan (figuratively and literally).
This trap may be direct or indirect.
A direct trap would be that the pregnancy is intended to secure your relationship or financial support.
An indirect trap would be that the primary objective is motherhood, you’re being trapped into fatherhood may be extraneous to that objective. Your seed is necessary for her motherhood but beyond that, you may or may not be relevant to her.
You might also find this video interesting, eye-opening and/or confirming.
Trap Red Flag #3. She has something to gain from being your baby momma.
If she will benefit in some way from the pregnancy—the pregnancy might be a trap.
A woman who has decided on her own that having your baby has some payoff for her and that that payoff trumps your desire to not have children right now is ripe for becoming your baby momma whether you’re up for it or not.
There are many potential pregnancy benefits that might motivate a woman to get pregnant accidentally-on-purpose. She may want to:
fulfill her dream to be a mom,
seal the deal on your relationship (even if Red Flag #1 doesn’t apply and things seem to be going well),
get you to support her directly or through child support,
qualify for welfare benefits, or
- secure immigration status.
This red flag could be in play even if she presents herself as disappointed that she is pregnant. The disappointment could be a show to cover her tracks.
Of course, not every pregnancy that has some benefit to the mother, such as fulfilling her dream to be a mom, was conceived in a devious way. Each red flag is intended to get your attention and help you pause to consider the possibilities.
Trap Red Flag #4. She has a lame excuse for going off birth control.
If she says she went off of her birth control for a reason other than getting pregnant and she suddenly got pregnant—the pregnancy might be a trap.
There are legitimate reasons for going off of birth control pills. The hormones in the pills make some women feel sick (though this is usually evident when a woman starts taking the pills, not usually something that suddenly happens later).
Similarly, a woman’s IUD (Intrauterine Device) may come out on its own, but when this does happen it is usually in the first few months of use.
However, the most common reason for going off of birth control pills or getting an IUD removed is—drum roll please—to get pregnant.
It is particularly suspicious when she failed to tell you that she was no longer protected by her customary birth control until after “oops, I’m pregnant.” Why didn’t she give you a heads-up that she had pulled the goalie?
Trap Red Flag #5. She seduced you.If she came on to you the day she got pregnant—the pregnancy might be a trap.
Women are most likely to get pregnant when they have sex around the time they are ovulating. There is a fertile window of about 8 days for every menstrual cycle. Women with irregular cycles may have difficulty figuring out their fertile window, but women with regular cycles should be able to figure it out relatively easily.
A woman who wants to get pregnant when her partner doesn’t may seduce him when she thinks she has an increased chance of conceiving.
But then again, some women experience increased sexual arousal when they are fertile. She may just have been seductive because she was revved up by her hormones.
Some medical advice for people trying to conceive includes the recommendation that they have sex every 2 to 3 days when there is a chance of fertility. Others encourage frequent intercourse during the fertile window. If her pattern of initiating sex changed into either of these patterns that could also fit this red flag.
Trap Red Flag #6. She convinced you to “go ahead, I can’t get pregnant today.”
If she encouraged you to not use a condom—the pregnancy might be a trap.
A pregnancy that results from unprotected sex that breaks from a routine of using protection could have been the product of a set-up. The middle of sexual ecstasy is not a great time for optimal rational thought. Your partner can pretty much count on it not taking much convincing for you to forgo a condom or to ejaculate inside her if she encourages it.
If she was so convinced she couldn’t get pregnant that day, how did she get pregnant that day?
But then again, it leaves just enough room for doubt.
Trap Red Flag #7. She’s not really pregnant.
If she says she’s pregnant but she’s not—there’s a really good chance the “pregnancy” is a trap.
Not all surprise announcements of “I’m pregnant” are actually accompanied by a pregnancy. Some are straight-up lies.
A man who was about to break up with his girlfriend was informed that she was pregnant (Red Flag #1). He felt he had to do the honorable thing and marry her. Fortunately, his mom became suspicious of the situation and encouraged him to go to doctor appointments with his girlfriend. The girlfriend couldn’t let that happen since she wasn’t really pregnant, so eventually, she had to spill the beans and admit it was a lie.
Unfortunately, there are a multitude of easily obtainable products to help women pull off the “You’re a daddy” Scam.
I had heard of women selling positive pregnancy tests on Craig’s List. To investigate this I googled fake positive pregnancy tests.
OMG! I was shocked by the results!
There is a whole industry churning out fake false positive pregnancy tests and that is just the beginning.
If you catch your girlfriend in the act of using fake pregnancy tests or fake paternity test results and she then tries to pass it off as a joke, you may be left wondering was it or wasn’t it. (Joke or no joke, do you really want to be with a woman who would try to con you in this way?)
Trap Red Flag #8. She has a conveniently timed miscarriage.
If she suddenly isn’t pregnant anymore—the “pregnancy” might have been a trap.
A miscarriage may be a cover story for a pregnancy that never was.
Eventually, the lie is going to catch up with her. There is only so much time to run with a false pregnancy story. Something eventually has to happen. Either she has to start looking pregnant or she needs to end the “pregnancy.”
Women have been known to manufacture a bulging belly to keep the fake pregnancy story alive long enough to secure the trap on her man, but even that extreme measure can only take them so far.
The most common time for a pretend miscarriage to end a pretend pregnancy is after marriage or other commitment markers. You then may think you shouldn’da put a ring on it, but it’s now a much more difficult proposition to get away from her.
But then again, lots of real pregnancies end in miscarriage.
To recap, here are the 8 Pregnancy Trap Red Flags
#1. The pregnancy pulled you back from the brink.
#2. You’ve made it clear you don’t want kids now.
#3. She has something to gain from being your baby momma.
#4. She has a lame excuse for going off birth control.
#5. She seduced you.
#6. She convinced you to “go ahead, I can’t get pregnant today.”
#7. She’s not really pregnant.
#8. She has a conveniently timed miscarriage.
Trapping a man with a pregnancy and other forms of taking his reproductive rights away is partner sexual abuse. If you are being tricked into fatherhood, chances are you are vulnerable to other ways women abuse men, you need my books:
Or for a summary of the larger book that is linked above:
- Tags: abuse OF men BY women
- Ann Silvers
Hi Owen. I’ve responded to the email address you provided. -Ann
To make a long story short, I moved to a new town, was anxious to meet someone quickly and ended up seeing a girl for about a week before realizing she was a compulsive liar / narcissist. After breaking it off I’ve seen her twice while going out with different women. I’ll list both occurrences of seeing her:
1. The first time she was intoxicated, saw myself and the girl I was walking with, ran out of the bar she was at to yell at me. She called me names, accused me of lying of what I was doing that night (told her I was not interested in seeing her that night). I tried walking away but ended up acknowledging her presence just so she would go away. She proceeded to message me threats saying she’ll “ruin my name in town, knows where I live, I’m a terrible person, etc.” I gave her a phone call asking what could be done so that this will never happen again (which was a terrible mistake), and after trying to listen to her drunken rambling I had realized she kept changing her personal history, stories she had told me previously (number of past boyfriends), and wouldn’t acknowledge past events. I eventually hung up and blocked her on all social media except instagram.
2. About 3 weeks later after the first incident, I’m at a coffee shop midday seeing another girl I met through work. We did not make eye contact, but I saw the narcissistic girl at the coffee shop. Two days later after seeing her at the coffee shop, I receive a cryptic message saying “i need to see you in person to talk about something important”. My intuition told me that she was about to tell me that she was pregnant. When we were together, I took measures to make sure she wouldn’t get pregnant.. and afterwards she assured me that I didn’t have to because she had an IUD. So I proceeded that way, not suspecting that she could be lying. To get back to the messaging, I tell her “I’m uncomfortable seeing you in person after you made me and the person I was with scared in public” to which she denies never happening. More back and forth reveals that her doctors tests indicate that she is 7 weeks pregnant, 60,000 hcg, which would put fertilization at +/- 2 days of when we slept together.
I have two questions:
1. The screenshot of her pregnancy results are off her phone, the timestamp is 1:44 pm and was sent to me at 1:48 pm via instagram, they are off the MyChart website of the local hospital in town, it doesn’t list her full name but the first initial in the top right hand corner match her first name, and her hcg levels are 60,000. Is there any chance this could’ve been faked? I made a half attempt of trying myself to create a false pregnancy test and could not understand how this one could’ve been faked.
2. All I want to do is to take action to try and convince her to not go through with the pregnancy, but she makes sure to take the opposite stance of whatever I suggest. From what I’ve read, engaging and arguing with a narcissist is the worst choice to make. Does this person sound crazy enough to have a child out of spite? How would you proceed? I want to start a family but only with the right person and at the right time, both criteria have not been satisfied.
Thanks, and any other advice you are willing to share will be appreciated immensely.
Hi Mi. It may be true that your long distance boyfriend has been trapped by another woman via a pregnancy. I can understand you feeling sympathy for him if that is the case, but you might also take it as a red flag that he is not marriage material for you since he had sex with another woman while also talking marriage with you, and move on with your life. -Ann
My long distance boyfriend got a woman ( that’s been trying to get with him for a while) pregnant. We broke up because he said he wanted to see if he could provide the child with the home environment he didn’t have & see if he could grow to love the woman . He also believed he’s doing "the right thing " because she’s having a difficult pregnancy. After a couple of months we couldn’t stay apart & decided to become " friends " . We recently visited each other & ended up sleeping with each other but the energy was different he was too nervous to maintain ( if you catchmy drift) I could also tell he felt obligated to HER although HE WAS MY MAN not hers ! She was some chick he constantly turned down but ended up hooking up with 1 night. Now she’s staying over his house every now & then & they’re really gonna go through with their fake charade of being a couple. Baby or no baby , I don’t understand how a woman would force a relationship with someone they know doesn’t want to be with them who’s also barely attracted to them. I also don’t understand how someone would think it’s OK to be fake & waste someone’s time with begrudging presence just to pacify their lack of confidence … The worst part is that I still Love him & know from experience that the road he’s going down will end in resentment & wasted time… WE WERE PLANNING ON GETTING MARRIED & NOW I’M A TOTAL WRECK… HEEEELP.
Pissed Off American
Had several women try that shit on me. I never let the little head do the thinking. Several did everything including stripping for me. I saw toooooo many friends go down that tube. I wanted kids but couldn’t stand the women. With the court system the way it is I couldn’t see being a money slave for some hoe I couldn’t stand. When young women wouldn’t even talk to me, but when I got older, with house, business and aircraft and was traveling around the world I was the hottest thing around. I’m average looking 6’1", 225. I even had some tell me when we were married that I was to sell everything to buy them a big house and cars. I was to lose it all for a five-minute furry thing. F**K That and went MGTOW. Never looked back. Now 70, have a girlfriend of 30+ years but all I am to her is Mechanic, Maintenace man and chauffeur as there has not been any sex in at least ten years. Between failing health and women BS, it’s not worth trying to change models. I run into some still looking, but they are after the same thing. Bank account. A friend was married SEVEN TIMES and spent over a million dollars on child support and alimony. Last one cost him a house and $1,000.00 a month, no kids. At 82 he told me he wanted to marry again. I asked him why he was “A SLOW LEARNER” or just liked giving away money. it’s sad life is like this. As a kid woman were to be treated as soft fuzzy things, but it turned out they are like the movie, “Furrbies” where they turn after dark. No thank you.
Hi Javier. It does sound like you were baby trapped. Trapped is a highly anxiety-provoking feeling. It sounds like you are feeling both anxious and depressed.
For those reading this, if you are having suicidal thoughts: call 988 (The Suicide Prevention Helpline).
Javier: I will reach out to you via email to talk further.
Hello Ann, thank you for this article. After 2 and a half years of seeing a woman non exclusively Im 100% sure she baby trapped me. I was clear from day 1 I didnt want any kids or marriage. We had many conversations on this subject and was on board with everything. I was actually thinking of choosing her to be in an exclusive relationship and get married when this happened and everything changed.
We had built trust between each other so eventhough when she insisted to finish inside was so strange at the moment I stopped and asked her if she was sure. She reassured me that it was ok so I did. Math in my head seemed odd but again I trusted her. She later tells me she missed her period. We do the tests and she is 2 weeks pregnant. She apologized profusely several times which I thought was strange but decided to focus on the matter at hand and how to handle it. We had several talks but she wanted to keep the baby eventhough we had discussed this many many times before.
I felt guilty cause I did finish inside her but the more time passes my initial intuition is 100% this was planned by her. I had to see a therapist for having suicidal thoughts and still feel like I feel raped.
Worst part of all of this is Im the bad guy. Im 48 and got your book coming out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. I was convinced this girl was different but I guess I was wrong. My funds are already depleted from my previous divorce and struggle getting back to a fraction of the economic status I was before. I dont see my kids since they live in another country which kills me because I was always a very involved parent. This situation triggers me in a deeper level than just betrayal. I feel Im not a good father or the father I want to be to my current kids and now Im being forced into a situation that will make that more difficult.
Im a traditional man and would prefer to raise a child in a home but from previous experience I know that if I didnt think marrying was a good idea, having a baby doesn’t change that.
Im trying my best to survive but sincerely have my doubts. This is really affecting me in more ways than one.
What can I do now? What resources can I use? I feel all is lost.
You’re right in questioning whether your former girlfriend was pregnant: she shows you a negative pregnancy test but not the supposed positive one, she gets drunk while she’s “pregnant,” she involves you but then doesn’t include you in any appointments, etc.
It’s also possible she was pregnant and is not a very responsible person.
As for why a woman might pull you in with a pregnancy and then push you away — that could happen with a person who enjoys playing games with people.
It’s hard to tell what was really going on with your ex, but it is easy to say that you should stay away from her and move on with your life.
Wow. This article is really opening my eyes on a current situation I’m in. Especially points #7 and #8.
My gf of 6 months, who’s in her final year studying civil engineering told me on 6th June she wasn’t feeling well, I should find a clinic for her to visit. She ended up going to the clinic close to me but when I asked her if I can escort her to wait with her she said no, they won’t let me wait with her. Strange. She said to go there after an hour to meet her. I went there after an hour and half and it was closed and I received a message saying she’s home already.
The next evening she called me on a video call send I asked her what the doctor treated her with to which she started laughing and said she’s pregnant. I didn’t believe it so I said let’s meet in person and discuss. The following came and she did not commit to our scheduled meet up times. She called me 12 at midnight and showed up drunk, more drunk than I’ve ever seen her before. So that night I never brought up the pregnancy conversation. But for the first time ever, she has this attitude of defiance and a little demanding. I thought it must be the hormones. The following day we spoke about it and I brought up the fact that she had been taking Accutane and it’s very dangerous for the foetus. We agreed it was best to not go through with the pregnancy, besides, it’d affect her last year in school. She went home.
Later that evening she wanted to go out to a bar, I told her I can’t be around people, I was stressed with the whole pregnancy, but was willing to spend time with her at home. She said it’s okay… But I never heard from her again that evening or the next day. 3 more days passed and she never said anything. I told her I was now becoming very suspect of her behaviour and the possibility that she doesn’t have a baby at all. She texted saying she wanted this to be her own decision so she doesn’t regret it one day. I told her I want us to visit a family clinic to which she agreed but never committed to the times I called her to meet up. One time she even told me we’ll meet after work but she never got in touch. When I did, she told me she was cooking and would show up after. She never did. I called her again and she didn’t pick up.
A few more days went by, no word from her until the early hours of 18th June when I got a missed video call at 2:15am from her. She sent a message reading “hello. I still haven’t made a decision. I’m not planning on doing so anytime soon”. Strange.
On June 22, after hearing that she had been to a pool bar I usually took her to, I went and checked out their CCTV footage and saw her there with a female friend playing pool. Later on they were joined by two other guys and she was very touchy with one of them. Very cozy. Cuddling up and even wrapping his arm around her waist as they left the bar. 20 minutes after they left that bar that’s when I got the video calls which I only saw in the morning( June 18th).
Confused and angry I sent her the footage and explained how someone who’s pregnant is getting drunk, getting very touchy with other men, making time for everyone else but me. Ignoring me in fact whilst still maintaining she’s pregnant but has never down me a positive pregnancy test?
Anyway, she denied cheating of course, said they were friends she made and she enjoyed socializing, couldn’t be sorry for that and claimed she had nothing to gain from lying about pregnancy. We ended things there. Didn’t talk for admit 4 days.
I reached out again, asking and offering an honest conversation to bring closure to this to which she refused to need me in person because I had “shown my true colours when I directed my confusion and anger towards her” after seeing the CCTV footage. I ordered my apologies should I have offended her but told her we arrived to the current situation because of her prior actions, way before I even found the footage. I told her I’d give myself closure since it seemed she had moved on… Which is the only point she responded to, saying that she hadn’t moved on and she wasn’t dating anyone else. I left it at that. On good talking terms.
The following day I called her. No answer. Later on she said she was at work and couldn’t answer. I said I was only checking up on her. Conversation ended. Or so I thought. Later that evening she sent me a picture of a negative pregnancy test with the connotation she has had to do what she has to do. Abortion. She visited the doctors (without me) and they suggested that with the Accutane she was prescribed she’s going to have a miscarriage. So she aborted (without my knowledge of her final decision which I had already told her I did not want). That was June 28th. Yesterday she was busy posting pictures of herself at work. Meanwhile when I called her at work she couldn’t talk.
So to recap. June 7 she’s pregnant.
June 18th. She says she hasn’t made a decision and will not do so anytime soon.
June 28th she sends a photo of a negative pregnancy test to prove she has an abortion. I never was shown a positive one and she did the supposed doctor visits herself without me. But I did not bother asking because that’d just be another angle for her to paint me as the bad one in this.
In all of this there’s also one other element. A much older be friend of hers who been bitter about her breakup with my friend. She tried very hard to break up the friendships doubting him too, smear campaigns etc. Even hitting on me and writing me texts which I never responded to only to have her ask me to delete later on. I never did. This woman (in her 40s, my gf/ex is 24) had been saying a lot of things to my gf and she’d tell me. First saying that I’m too good of a friend to her ex (my friend). Then it changed to ‘we all do the same things’. Then it changed to I’m probably cheating on her. I feel like she was the bad influence. She’s also the same woman who would go to the pool bar with my gf/ex.
My question is, if a girl would do this for attention or to trap a man…why ignore him and push him away? Because he’s now running to her? Giving her attention? Even after claiming she’s had an abortion. I’ve left it and will not be making any further efforts or contact. Your opinion will be appreciated. Thank you
Just wanted to add my input, as a woman, I know of multiple women that baby trapped their men. Some of them are married now, but it’s hard to say how that will turn out. Some of them seem happy, but I try to warn as many men as I can. Many deny it when I say that women trap men into pregnancy, but I have seen it too many times with my own eyes.
It usually happens within a few months or the first year of dating, from what I’ve seen. There is NO EXCUSE for “oops I forgot my pill” because you can double up on pills the next day, or take plan B. Clearly they did not want to take plan B or birth control. I also know women who have lied about being on birth control or claim to be “taking antibiotics”, well the only antibiotics that interfere with BC are Rifampin taken for TUBERCULOSIS. So unless your girlfriend or whoever had tuberculosis, they shouldn’t have any problems with antibiotics interfering with BC. Don’t trust women who don’t have anything to look forward to or work towards because those are the types of women that unilaterally decide to get pregnant with no regard to the man’s goals/ideals for the future. If they decide to unilaterally make that choice, why would they consult you on future choices?
Also, be careful around single moms. My future brother in law dated a single mom of a 5 year old, and she, unsurprisingly, got pregnant within 3-4 months of dating. She went off her birth control intentionally. Men please be careful out there for your own sake.
My girlfriend changed birth control pills, she began using Clomid which I found out was a fertility pill, sort of a different type of birth control.
My brother was trapped by his girlfriend that he was planning on leaving. I guess she must have sensed something was off and turned into a bloody psycho.
My brother had expressed to her that he didn’t want a child, so they both agreed on terminating the pregnancy, but, behind his back she cancelled the appointment.
It’s absolutely heartbreaking that people want to create a life out of selfishness and not based on a mutually loving, supportive relationship that is going to offer a safe haven for so said child to thrive in.
I honestly think women who do such a thing are not mentally stable. Who is willing to have a baby to stay with someone that doesn’t even want to be with them anymore? A baby isn’t a relationship fixer, if anything it’s going to make things a hell of a lot harder, and i really hate to think of all those mothers who now resent the children they had because their selfish trap didn’t work. Disgusting!
Hi LoulouUK. Thank you so much for sharing the child’s side of the baby-trap story. I hope that you can find your way to a happy life. -Ann
I am the result of a suspected baby trap, 44 year female and a total failure in life. I strongly suspect my mother got pregnant with me to trap my dad so that she would have a better life as the wife of a policeman in another European country (think of the blonde woman in A Officer and a Gentleman). Well they got divorced and he abandoned me, she has neglected me all my life and now I am extremely unhappy and feel lost in this world. To the selfish baby trappers you have no idea how much you also destroy your child’s life. I have stayed away from marriage and having children myself out of fear they will also have a bad life.
I just wanted to say thank you Ms. Ann Silvers for writing this article. Explaining my situation to her on the phone and hearing what she had to say about my situation really helped me expose this girl for lying about being pregnant just to get back to me( trap me).
Thanks for sharing your story Ozoz. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, but luckily discovered the truth and have been able to get away from the manipulator and go on to have happiness in a healthy relationship.
Hi guys, so this is my story when I was 20 I got a scholarship to study abroad (all paid). We decided to try a long-distance relationship, but one month after I got a called saying that she is pregnant! I was in shock because she was taking contraceptive pills. She said that the pills may have not worked. At the time we were deeply in love with each other. So I said alright then I will drop out of Uni and quit my scholarship and go back to my home country. When she heard that she said no, no you shouldn’t do that bla bla. But I was very sure I must take responsibility to raise a child. Then, couple days later she went to see a doctor and according to her the doctor said that she had a complication. The fertilised egg was in a wrong position and if the pregnancy continues it could be dangerous for the mum. So the best solution was to terminate the pregnancy. The doctor prescribed her some abortive pills and she took them. After coupe of days she told me that she got a terrible haemorrhage and she had to be admitted in the ICU. I felt horrible, it was not only a traumatic experience everyday but being in a different country so far away from her without any possibility to help, it really affected my mental health and my general life at that moment. After she was out of the hospital she pretended to be weak and always stomach sick as if the pills caused a permanent damage in her. Which made me feel responsible of her broken health and responsible of giving her a traumatic experience that scar her for life. I decided to support her and send her money and to keep our relationship for ever. I visited every single year, I slept with my phone on, I promised her I will go back to her or bring her to me as soon as I can or finish Uni. 6 months before I finish my degree she was cheating with another guy for a whole year and when I confronted her she started to manipulate me with a series of lies that were extremely convincing. All the stories fell apart when I called the guy who she was cheating on me. The guy had no idea that she was in a relationship with me and told me that she is a serial lier. It was at this moment that I realised that everything she said to me and was saying to me was fake. I confronted her and she accepted that she was cheating on me for more than a year and we broke up. I never asked her if she fake the pregnancy or the abortion, but I can assume she did. Now, it’s been almost 8 years since I stayed in the same country I finish my studies and I found an incredible partner that hopefully won’t fake a pregnancy haha.
In response to Cara
Cara you are a piece of garbage. Just remember you reap what you sow. Dont go crying to a forum or anyone else when you get used and manipulated like you have done. Actually, when you do, make sure you post the entire story of what you did to him so everyone can burn you with “serves you right”.
I’m sorry that you got trapped by this sick woman but glad that I was able to provide you with a forum for getting to share your story. Hopefully, you feel somewhat lighter. Your story now has the chance of helping others.
A bright light in your story is that it sounds like the kids saw reality and you have a strong relationship with them. (It doesn’t always happen that way. Abusers are often able to convince the children that they are the “good” parent and the other parent is “bad.”)
I’ve started over several times in my life. You may not know yet how great life is going to be for you now that she isn’t able to distract your mind, sap your energy, and undermine your efforts.
Again — thanks for sharing your story,
I’m a 47 yo man. I was trapped 23 years ago.
I was dating her for about 2 years before I went off to Marine Boot Camp. I had decided to break off the relationship as soon as I got back home. That way she would already be getting used to me not being around. I didn’t love her and she had multiple issues I couldn’t deal with anymore. A few months after I got home I got a call from her crazy sister asking me if I wanted to come see my 2 mo daughter. Shocker!!!!
A few weeks later I spent the night to stay with my daughter. I found the birth control pills that she stopped using a few months before I left for Boot Camp. Confronted her… she denied it it, just like everything else, for years. She was a compulsive lire, drug addict, schizophrenic, and drank fairly often. I stuck with it and put up with shit for 18 years. I worked my ass off, did most of the cooking, cleaning, chores and helped with the kids homework every night while running a business. She was useless! And a horrible mother. I put up with her crap because I know how fathers are treated in our sorry ass court system. I even took care of her for the sake of the kids. She had health problems too. Mostly the symptoms from her very poor lifestyle.
Finally after 18 years I kicked her ass out. I wasn’t dumb enough to marry her.
A year and a half later she died. She drank and smoked herself to death. Plus she got her Doctors to give her all the pain pill prescriptions they could write.
I had kept her pain meds locked up and had to give her the doses. BTW, she didn’t need them. I got her off of them twice.
She was such a horrible person that we didn’t even go to the funeral.
She hijacked and altered the course of my entire life. I had to pass up a lot of opportunities.
She cost me a lot of money. Even stole money from me, her daughter, and my business many times.
I’m glad she’s dead.
Hi flabergasted. It sure looks like the woman’s story fits as a fake pregnancy trap: (1) announcing she was pregnant after the break-up (2) the dates not adding up (3) the “miscarriage.” There’s no point in trying to get her to admit it. That’s not going to happen. You also may not be able to get your husband to admit to himself or you that he was fooled by her, but hopefully he’s done fooling around on you.
I need to know how I can get this woman to admit she got pregnant on purpose. the facts my Husband brought the stupid woman to a hotel with in walking distance of the house, I confronted her and told her that he was my husband. after a long conversation. I don’t want to hear about his cheating. but He decided to Call her May 8th to tell her he could no longer speak with her. She said ok she didn’t care and then 10 to 11 days later she supposedly Got pregnant. He fessed up that we have a big problem and that she is pregnant with his child on June 18. I asked him, since he went with her to confirm the pregnancy, Did you see a sonogram? if so How far along is she. He said about 5 weeks. so I did the math over and over again to possibly show him that she may have been sleeping around. and now Sept 22 she tells him that she lost the baby. that would put her at about 21 to 22 weeks pregnant. I really want to know if she really was pregnant or got pregnant on purpose or tried to pawn the baby off on him. Because it just too coincidental that she got pregnant right after he said he couldn’t talk to her anymore. I know he is feeling bad for her story and is too embarrassed of himself to admit that he fell for it. I want to find out some how if she did it on purpose. not to shame him, but to open his eyes that not all but some woman will do this. because I guess of how he is feeling about me telling him she did it on purpose that he tried to tell me i got pregnant on purpose Because I am more experienced with Motherhood and older then him, that I should have know better. when He knew I was not on BC. there was no declaration from either of us we didn’t want any kids right now. We both understood that pregnancy could happen. I never told him to not worry about me getting pregnant. In fact when I told him I was pregnant I said I am telling you because you deserve to know. He was free to choose whatever he wanted. (It would hurt) but I told him I was fine if he wanted to leave. I was not trying to tie him down.
I think that’s what emma roberts did to garrett hedlund.
Kat Cook: Thanks for adding these stories of a woman using the pregnancy trap multiple times. I’ve seen another case of a woman using it a couple of times. Each attempt lets her hone her skills until she finally snares a guy.
This is a valuable and interesting article. I know a woman who “accidentally” got pregnant 3 times, trying to trap 3 different men. Are we do stupid to believe these are accidents. Only the 3rd man married her, but I’m not so sure that will stop her from looking for a 4th man to trap. Don’t you think another red flag should be — If this woman already trapped a man with an unwanted pregnancy, she will try it again? I feel sorry for trapped daddy #2 and #3, but it seems like they could have used common sense to not get trapped like the 1st daddy. Also, another red flag when she says, “I’m a devout Catholic!”, nothing against Catholics, but that should tell you that although she can’t keep her legs shut (which is a sin to Catholics, too), she’s not about start using birth control because that’s also supposedly a sin…..smh.
Stuart: Sorry to hear the pain that you are carrying. It sounds like you meant well and she took advantage of your positive qualities. You are not alone if having had that experience. Many other nice guys have been manipulated in a similar way. Hopefully, you can find happiness in other parts of your life even as you deal with missing your daughter.
I believe I got trapped years ago wanting to get away from her but easing away doing it nice, thinking about not hurting peoples feelings, it has gone on to wreck my life having a daughter who I love, now with a new family. I spend every day 13 years later thinking I messed up badly
Sean: Thanks for sharing your story. Hopefully it will help someone else. Unfortunately, you are in a bad situation in a marriage with someone who is dedicated to her manipulative patterns.
A polygraph doesn’t sound helpful. I have talked to many men in similar situations. I encourage you to get my book, Abuse OF Men BY Women: It Happens, It Hurts, And It’s Time to Get Real About It either on my website (https://annsilvers.com/collections/books/products/abuse-of-men-by-women-it-happens-it-hurts ) or from online retailers like Amazon ( https://www.amazon.com/Abuse-men-women-happens-hurts/dp/0983433879 .)
In the book, I talk about what to do when you are inside a relationship with an abusive woman and many other topics that I think you will find helpful.
Thank you for putting this together. I wish I had found this in 2008. I have always believed this happened to me. The following are the details, is there anything I can do to help protect myself, my children and bring her to justice? Polygraph?
I was ‘dating’ (if you want to call it that – sex and partying) a single mother that had a victim story about her, son and his father and I bought it. I fell in love with her son, but over time realized that she and I were very different and so was in the process of saving money to move out. A week before I was ready to go she told me she was pregnant. I asked what about the birth control and she informed me she had stopped taking it. Shocked and scared (26y/o), I didn’t know what to do so I proposed and almost sick to my stomach said “I do”. I did everything I could think of to provide, protect, pastor, love over the years – up to and including marriage counseling spending thousands, but she never engaged in any of it. Believing God to work a miracle in her heart and confess (and out of fear He may squish my soul if I divorced) I stayed with her and we now have two more children (a girl and two boys). However, she has done nothing but cause contention, be deceptive with finances and last year she out of the blue asked if I was the beneficiary for my parents’ assets. After I caught her layering financial transactions (essentially stealing money from our family) I confronted her and she apologized. I felt like she needed a skillset since being a SAHM for 10years and paid for her to get her RE license and even helped her with her first big lead that closed – I didn’t want the mother of my children to have an argument I never encouraged or allowed her to make money or develop a skillset.
Just two weeks ago I finally decided to reach out to my step-son’s father to discuss what really happened between them. And well, yes it turns out I should have done that 12+ years ago. He gave the exact same story without knowing the details of ours. He is 10 years older than her, was having sex with her when she was 18, she was “on birth control” and got pregnant. He said when he asked her about being on the pill she said she was taking some antibiotics and it made it less effective. However, he said no way not marrying you and opted the other route of custody and child support. Now looking back that was actually the smarter decision.
Tabitha you make a really good point.
Cam…pregnancy gestation includes the 2 weeks before the child was conceived…the time period between menstruation and ovulation. So a woman that is 5 weeks pregnant is actually only 2 weeks pregnant. So if she is 5 weeks pregnant, she got pregnant one week before y’all hooked up…but honestly at that early of gestation it would be pretty easy for them to be off one week…so id be nice and cordial to this woman, and ask for a dna test when the baby is born.
Very well said “Switch” and great advice you’d give to your son!
As a woman who has known a few women who I suspect of being gold diggers, I urge men to tread with major caution when Ms. Right suddenly appears out if the blue. If you’ve found the perfect woman in a surprisingly short period of time, find out whether she just lost a relationship that was paying all of her bills for her. I’m fairly feminist, but if I ever have a son, you can bet I’ll raise him on “don’t put your dick in crazy.”
Cam. You are right. If you didn’t share some of your semen with her before the day you are describing as the day you “hooked up” then you can’t be the father of a child conceived weeks before. If on the other hand, you got close to intercourse with her around the day she conceived and used a technique such as withdrawal — then you could have given her enough sperm to have created offspring.
So. We hooked up on Nov.15th. 13 days later shes taking several pregnancy tests and I still dont know why. The weekend passes and 15 days after sex she goes to planned parenthood and they tell her (I was told from her that the doctors said) shes 5 weeks pregnant and it has a heart beat. So 15 days after sex with me, shes now “5weeks” and absolutely 100% positive its mine. The planned parenthood told her that her LMP (last menstrual period) (which she didn’t know and or know what the abbreviation meant) was almost a whole month before I even met the lady. Side note, while we were in the middle of it. She had to get up and have to “puke” several times. Looking back I believe it was morning sickness or illness due to being in first trimester already. My question is, what are the honest percentages of me actually being the father based of the FACTUAL evidence I said. (Theres more to the story but these are facts).
It sucks to read all these comments. I mean people don’t realize what the cost of bringing a life into this world is and the responsibility on many levels that it carries. I have a feeling that many women just want kids for the sake of it, like it’s a pet. And it’s true that men will do it to control. My sus husband got her pregnant 4 times, I think it’s a control thing. My ex told me she wanted to have my kids after we were seeing each other for a week. I bailed. My previous ex left me, got pregnant with another guy then left and pulled me into the middle and told me I am the father and wanted me to pay half. I supported where I could, got a patternity test and am not. It’s so messy I still feel to be involved in the childs life, because the fathers isn’t actively involved and the innocent child is in the middle with only a single mother in poverty. People think of kids in way too light a sense. It’s a HuGE responsibility, you need to prepare that human for living on earth and hopefully teach them to make the earth a better place. Not just to become another selfish consumer or opiod addict, etc.
Hi Cj Lef. Unfortunately, there are incidents when men use pregnancy to trap a woman too. Sounds like your guy used the same tactic sometimes used by women: sabotaging birth control while making the partner feel secure that precautions are being taken.
All these seem directed at the woman. My man got me Prego to trap me. He was desperate to make himself look like a valid person so he could get his other children in court. So he wanted to trap me, have a kid and get married. He would say he was going to wear a condom and poke holes or rip through it with his “thing” or just remove it. He told me a week after he started. Like, Ha Ha Bitch, you’re stuck now!"
Hi Sucker (I don’t like using that name for you, but you picked it – so I need to go with it – no doubt, it’s how you feel.)
First – If you aren’t married to her — don’t marry her. You can be a good father to a child without living with the child’s mother. If she’s manipulative enough to set a pregnancy trap, you’re in for a terrible marriage if you allow the trap to work.
For more help on how to deal with her, I suggest that you read my book which covers a wide range of circumstances: Abuse of Men By Women, It Happens, It Hurts, And It’s Time to Get Real About It. You can get it on the website you’re currently on: https://annsilvers.com/collections/books/products/abuse-of-men-by-women-it-happens-it-hurts, or on Amazon.
Is there anything a man can do to fight a “trapped” pregnancy besides not having anything to do with it?
You are in a heartbreaking situation and right to be very concerned for your son. I too have seen that military guys can become a particularly vulnerable target for manipulative women. (Maybe because they are rescuers.)
The story makes me wonder if she is really even pregnant. If you haven’t read my post about the Fake pregnancy and paternity industry, I suggest you do: https://annsilvers.com/blogs/news/fake-pregnancy-and-paternity-industry-exposed
I encourage you and the rest of the family to continue to try to get through to him with logic. If she isn’t pregnant now, any more sexual encounters with her give her more opportunities to get pregnant. He should do nothing before attending a doctor’s appointment with her and confirming in-person that she is actually pregnant.
If she really is pregnant with his child, he can be a good father without being a husband. He wants to do the honorable thing. Offer him suggestions about various honorable options look like in this situation.
If he wants to proceed as a couple, he can do that without getting married. A question he needs to ask himself is: “Would I be marrying this woman now if she wasn’t pregnant with my child?” Clearly, the answer would be “No.”
Besides seeing women trap servicemen with pregnancies, I’ve also seen them have affairs and clean out their bank account while they are deployed.
No matter what he decides, try to keep a relationship with him. It sounds like he will need you.
I suggest you get my book, Abuse OF Men BY Women (available on this eStore and Amazon), to prepare yourself. There is a chapter for friends and families of abused men.
Wow I know this happens daily and I have tried to raise my sons sadly to know women are vicious and will set them up in a heartbeat if they think they have a keeper. I am sad to say that my son who is US Service Member and only 20 is now going through a horrible situation. He recently used Tinder while home for a holiday break. Now here we are 6 weeks later and only 2 encounters with a young recent high school graduate pregnant. I feel horrible as a women stating the obvious that this is very conveint for her to be pregnant by a US Service member who can get her out of her small town. Not only does he think this is a good idea to have a child but also feels he needs to do the admirable thing and marry her immediately. They have spent about 10 days together and have only known each other other for 7 weeks. She is the oldest of a large group of kids. She gas no job, no car and as far as we know no plans on a career path. How could she she just graduated high school. We tried to tell him and explain to him girls do not meet a guy, have unprotected sexon day 1 . Then 3 weeks later ask for a professional photo shoot and put pictures on blast everywhere unless they are up to something. Our son sadly is a loveable man who is gullible. We have begged him for days to wait atleast a few months to get married and that he needs to be sure this baby is even his. They have not even seen a doctor yet. I even told him I remember being 18 and thinking about men who would make suitable fathers and husbands and things girls who I knew have done.
4 days ago he asked his brothers to borrow money to go get a marriage license. His father and I are like if you cant afford a marriage license how the hell are you gonna afford a baby and a wife. My other sons and his best friend said no f**king way are we giving you money for that. There have been alot of things said and emotions are super crazy in this house. I know its horrible but all I keep thinking is this chic set his ass up so she can be married move to NC and get away from her family. She will then be entitled to his benefits and half of all he has, which is nothing! I am begging for guidance to talk him out of this choice. We explained that she could leave you, take half and laugh. She could have a miscarriage after your married and you’ll be legally stuck. She could run away with your kid when she gets out into the world and meets someone else. She could dump a baby on you and run and we would then be responsible for a kid. She knows his family is huge and has seen things that lead her to believe he could have family money! Please help! He already is shutting us out because we cannot get on board with the choices they are making. This girl has no idea what she is getting into with him. I am worried about his mental state because he is disappointed that we haven’t embraced this. I see so many red flags and want him to process all this. To take advice from people who are not bias on hers or his side . I have heard so many stories about men in military that this happened to. They even went over it during his training to be careful and watch out. Please give me any advice to get him to atleast wait to get married, to establish paternity . I really wish they would not even think about having this baby. She is way to young and has no clue. She sold a car on Saturday and bought a horse on Sunday. Then try to borrow money on Monday. She needs a car to get a job to pay for her kid or we will be paying for it. I just know how this movie ends!
Wow yea lot of women evil and heartless out there I came across one well I guess I was young n dumb and was learning lesson I was 21 she was 31 first red flag she said she was pregnant and was threatening me bout child support so I jus stopped speaking to her 4 days later she crying leaving me messages even comes to my house saying she had misscarrige smh was definitely no misscarrige she came to my house the same day she supposedly had miscarriage what woman in right mind state after jus miscarrying a baby would u drive 3 hours cuz at the time we were kinda like jus split up she moved back home smh she asked me why dont I want a baby I said I’m 21 to young no career job smh she told me she wanted baby by me because I would be so cute I have nice eyes and hair lol some women out there are crazy but that there told me try trap me smh
Here’s a thought: Why are men having sex with a woman who would do this to him? Sounds like he should know better.
Oh, one more thing. If you feel strongly about this topic please only vote for politicians that wsnt bc and abortions to be safe & legal or don’t complain. Xo
In response to Dustin Delfs:
There are red flags all over your relationship with this woman. Yes, you are making a mistake “always being there for her and going behind his [her fiancé’s] back and having some fun of my own with her.” Neither of you is behaving in a way that leads to health and happiness. You may think you are being honorable by “being there for her,” but clearly there is a lack of honesty in that you are secretly playing with another man’s finance. Let her go. Move on. Grow some integrity.
Hey there, my name is Dustin and I’m going through a tough situation with my ex girlfriend and her fiancé and I’m wondering if I’m making a mistake always being there for her and going behind his back and having some fun of my own with her. Anyways my problem is that she’s always saying she’s pregnant and we’ve been having weird miscarriages and stuff or she doesn’t want closeness n or cuddling with her and so I’m wondering if they could be a red flag or something? I just don’t know what to do anymore or what to do
In response to Bruce: I hope others read your story and protect themselves from what you are experiencing. -Ann
Kelly: This is sad for everyone involved. The circle of destruction around a manipulator can be very wide.
My lover just decided to tell me some other young unemployed useless scheming chick is having his baby this year. I knew we weren’t exclusive and we are a lot older past the point of the wanting more kids. His stupidity is just as much to blame. But his life is ruined. His retirement plans destroyed. His existing teenaged child destroyed. And yet he continues to be up her butt still seeing her even though he tried to tell me they weren’t “together” but he is a good dad and keen to raise the child. So I’ve lost this person. To a lazy cow with no character. Trash. Now he’s hers. Not just her fault he’s an idiot. He’s hoping he won’t lose his house now paying for two baby mamas.