How to Make a Safety Plan if She is Violent
Domestic Violence towards males is real.
If your wife or girlfriend is angry and physically abusive, take it seriously. Just because you are a guy doesn't mean she can't hurt you. Make a safety plan.
If you are the friend or relative of a man in a relationship with an abusive wife or girlfriend, pass on this information to him and help him make a plan to keep himself and his children safe.
Note: I have included this Safety Plan and more in this FREE ebook:
Domestic Violence Safety Plan Steps
Common advice for safety planning includes:
1. Identify believable excuses for getting out of the house if you see her escalate. Possibly:
- walk the dog,
- go to the store, or
- go out to pick up dinner.
2. Identify the red flags that your partner’s anger is ramping up.
3. Identify places in your home and workplace that are relatively safe and dangerous. When an argument is occurring or feels imminent:
- avoid spaces with no exit (closets, bathrooms),
- avoid rooms with weapons (kitchen, garage), and
- stay close to a doorway.
4. Establish a code word, phrase, or sign (a certain light is on or blinking, a shade is down . . .) so that neighbors, family, friends, or co-workers know when you need help. Tell them what they should do if you use the code (call the police . . .).
5. Practice getting out of your home and workplace safely. Notice what windows, doors, stairways, elevators, and other exit pathways work best.
6. Keep your car ready for a fast exit:
- Keep it well fueled.
- Park it facing the road.
7. Prepare an emergency stash of personal items and documents for you and the children. (I go into more detail about the items in the downloadable pdf.)
8. Keep track of your phone and keys and try to keep them near you at all times. (But don’t count on them.)
9. Hide an extra set of home and car keys and a cell phone. Cell phone options include:
- a used cell phone that is refurbished to only call emergency numbers, or
- a prepaid phone that can store phone numbers in case you don’t have access to your phone and contact list.
10. Plan where you would go in an emergency.
11. Know the routes to the police, fire station, hospital, and 24-hour stores.
12. If you own guns, know where they are. Assess how to keep them safe and whether it would be best to have them removed from your home. If she uses them against you, you’re in trouble; and if you use them against her, you’re in trouble.
13. Talk to local domestic violence agencies to determine whether there are resources available to you and your children. (Unfortunately, many don’t accommodate men.)
- Safety Planning for abused men
- Safety Plan steps and lists
- Preparing an emergency stash
- Protecting children
- The pros and cons of involving police and courts
- Preparing to leave
- & More resources
Partner Abuse Books
Partner abuse, including domestic violence, can happen in any gender configuration: male-to-female, female-to-male, male-to-male, female-to-female.
If you are an abused wife or girlfriend, and abused husband or boyfriend, or if you are wondering if you are abusing your partner, my books about partner abuse may be helpful.
- Ann Silvers