How Women Legally Abuse Men
“Even though I had never been at all abusive or threatening to my wife (or anyone else), she lied and said she was scared of me so she could get a restraining order against me. That meant I couldn’t go back to the house for my tools, or documents, or anything.”
-a man's description of legal abuse from his partner
What's In This Post
|What is Legal Partner Abuse?|
|The Use of Legal Abuse by Abusive Wives and Girlfriends|
|Why Abusive Women Legally Abuse Husbands and Boyfriends|
|Playing the DV Con Game|
|A Manipulative Woman Can Control Her Partner by Just Threatening to Call the Police|
|A Malicious Woman Can Use the Legal System to Interfere With a Father's Rights|
|A Nasty Ex Can Use the Courts to Create Havoc in Your Life|
What is Legal Partner Abuse?
Use of the legal or judicial system to control, demean, or punish a romantic partner or ex-partner is legal abuse.
Abusive partners can use false accusations of partner or child abuse to flip the script and engage the legal system to assist them in ongoing abuse that can last well beyond a romantic relationship.
Legal abuse is sometimes called administrative abuse.
The Use of Legal Abuse by Abusive Wives and Girlfriends
In cases of legal partner abuse, police officers, lawyers, judges, domestic violence advocates, and the justice system itself become abusive women's accomplices. Unfortunately, such individuals and systems cooperate with women’s abuses far too often. (I’m not saying that they are always skewed in favor of women, just that it is happening a lot.)
There was a time when North American women had few rights. A woman’s husband could take her children from her and she had no recourse. She could be beaten by her husband and police would not interfere. She was often not believed if she claimed to be the victim of partner abuse.
Times have changed. Unfortunately, rather than graduate to a more just system, far too often, the opposite side of these scenarios is happening now: father’s relationships with their children are minimized, a man’s bruises and wounds are not enough evidence for police protection, and women’s statements of “facts” are more heavily weighted than men’s.
Why Abusive Women Legally Abuse Husbands and Boyfriends
An abusive woman might falsify information in order to manipulate the legal system so that she can:
enjoy the benefits of using the domestic violence victim card,
get an unwarranted restraining/protection order,
deprive him of access to his children,
exaggerate her need for child support,
secure undeserved spousal support, or
create havoc in his life.
Additionally -- abusive women can use the threat of falsely claiming their husbands and boyfriends are hurting them to manipulate, control, and quiet their partners. Most men fully realize that the abusive woman's lie is likely to get a wide audience of believers.
Case in point: The Johhny Depp and Amber Heard court case included an abundance of strong evidence that Amber had abused Johnny, and was simultaneously lacking in convincing evidence in support of Amber's accusation that Johhny abused her, but two courts still sided with Amber. (There is still one court case pending.)
For more on the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard Legal Battles, check out my posts breaking down their stories, including:
Playing the DV Con Game
An abusive woman can abuse the advocates and institutions whose goal is protecting people from domestic violence.
Women who cry “abuse” are usually listened to and often believed even in the absence of evidence—even when there is evidence to the contrary.
Attaining victim status can garner a woman:
sympathy from advocates, police, and judges;
financial and legal resources through domestic violence agencies; and
power and control over the man being accused of “abuse” during custody or dissolution battles.
Domestic Violence (DV) advocates and institutions should recognize that women who pretend to be abused when they are not are abusing everyone involved in the DV movement.
A Manipulative Woman Can Control Her Partner by Just Threatening to Call the Police
A man suspected his wife was having an affair. He was not the jealous type. They had been together many years and he had never before thought she was cheating on him, but many indicators supported the theory that she was now.
He confronted her with his suspicions and she adamantly denied doing any such thing. He said he believed she was texting another man. She said no, that wasn’t true. When he picked up her phone to check it, she started screaming at him: “You put that down or I’ll call the police!”
He was shocked. He had never laid a hand on her or threatened her, but he knew that if the police came out she would be very convincing. He was certain that they would believe her, not him. He put the phone down.
A Malicious Woman Can Use the Legal System to Interfere With a Father's Rights
A woman may use the legal system to limit or eliminate a father’s time with his children, even when he is a good father, even when she doesn’t really care that much about the children. She may persuade the court to let her move the children far away from their father or restrict the amount of time he is allowed to see them.
An abusive woman may distort her parenting to make it appear better than it is, and distort his parenting to make it appear worse than it is.
A mother who is inattentive or even abusive to her children may suddenly turn on the charm and act out the part of super mom with her lawyer, judges, counselors, and child advocates.
She may simultaneously falsely accuse an attentive, caring father of being unavailable, cold, or abusive to her and/or the children.
She may take kernels of truth and expand them into horror stories:
His innocent tickling of his daughter is recounted with the inference that the “tickling” was sexually motivated.
His healthy requirement that his children do their homework gets turned into obsessive demands.
A manipulative parent may engage children in making false statements to courts and custody/visitation decision-makers. This is a particularly destructive form of parental alienation.
Cultural bias in favor of women and mothers makes it relatively easy to convince all levels of child welfare decision-makers that her presentation of “facts” is true.
A Nasty Ex Can Use the Courts to Create Havoc in Your Life
Malicious women may use the legal system to create stress and turmoil for partners that dare break free. Even when it’s the woman herself that instigates a breakup, she may choose to use the legal system to toy with her ex.
A bad divorce is time consuming, mentally exhausting, and emotionally draining. Each time a man has to meet with his lawyer, prepare a declaration, find a document, or attend a court hearing takes time and energy that is not then available for working or living a normal life.
Each time his lawyer has to contact her lawyer, create a document, prepare for court, or attend court, it adds to his bill. Making a divorce cost more than it reasonably should combines legal abuse with emotional and financial abuse.
A woman who is willing to lie to the court expends a few minutes creating the lie, but it takes untold hours for her divorcing partner to prove the lie wrong.
During a divorce, an abusive woman may:
create frivolous lists of Interrogatories and Requests for Production;
not respond to his lawyer’s requests for information and paperwork, requiring repeated appeals for the discovery materials, and even contempt hearings;
fight for absurd and unreasonable division of assets;
thwart his attempts to negotiate;
go out of her way to be uncooperative so that he has to try multiple times to get even simple settlement tasks completed;
use a protection order to keep him away from his possessions and documents, requiring that he get court orders or give up his belongings; and/or
use the children as pawns.
- Tags: abuse OF men BY women
- Ann Silvers