Blog — abuse OF men BY women

It Hurts: How Abuse by Wives and Girlfriends Affects Male Partners 0

When we talk about partner abuse or domestic violence, the focus is usually on women as victims and men as perpetrators. In reality, partner abuse can happen in any gender configuration and direction.

What is it like for men who are abused by women? Do they just take it in stride with no physical, emotional, or psychological impact? Or, do the repercussions of their experience reverberate across their lives? How does abuse of men by women impact those abused husbands and boyfriends?

Male abuse targets find little support in the media or society. Men tend to be isolated by man-law: be strong, don’t talk about personal stuff, don’t feel, and don’t ask for help. Even if they do seek help, the deck is stacked against them finding someone who understands their situation.

Men's experiences of abuse share similarities with those of women. They also differ in critical ways. It's time to bring these issues to light and offer the support that abused men desperately need.

What's Wrong with the Duluth Model for DV Treatment? 5

The Duluth Model is a DV treatment program that dominates every level of DV services from the police officer who responds to a 911 call, to the laws that govern how that officer is supposed to act, to the judge who hears the case if charged, and the treatment services provided to both parties.

The Duluth Model for DV treatment provides glaring examples of the DV community’s anti-male pro-female gender biases. In pivotal ways, the influence the model has waged is a major cause of those ongoing biases. 

From my perspective, the Duluth Model is not only flawed, and unhelpful—it is destructive. 

I have come to that conclusion through decades of advocacy for men abused by their wives and girlfriends, and for the expansion of understanding that Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) can happen in any gender configuration.

In this post, I'll give you the background. You can draw your own conclusions. 

How Many Men are Abused by Women? 3

Abuse of men by their partners, especially female partners, is usually dismissed as infrequent or not harmful, and is often laughed at or even encouraged. But how many men get abused by their wives and girlfriends? How many men experience domestic abuse and violence? What are the percentage stats for abuse of men? What are the relative numbers of abused men and abused women?

My answers will probably surprise you.

Psychologist Dr Hughes Testimony for Amber Heard Exposes DV Gender Bias 0

Forensic Psychologist Dr Dawn Hughes, PhD testified on Amber’s behalf during Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s “You defamed me.” “No, you defamed me.” trial. As a counselor and author of several books about partner abuse, I have been following the Depp/Heard case for a long time. I transcribed and analyzed Dr Hughes’ testimony to check it against other evidence and what I know about mental health and partner abuse.

For this post, I’m focusing on the domestic violence part of Dr Hughes’ testimony and what it tells us about her objectivity and gender bias, as well as the gender bias of other DV advocates, resources, and treatment programs.

What is Histrionic Personality Disorder 0

Histrionic personalities are flamboyant, melodramatic attention-seekers.

A histrionic person may be the life of the party and draw a partner in with their enthusiasm, charm, and seduction, but then wear the partner out with their need to be the center of the universe.

Marriage Counselor, Dr Laurel Anderson Testimony, Johnny Depp v Amber Heard Def Trial 7

A video deposition of Dr Laurel Anderson, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's couples' therapist, was presented during Johnny's WaPo article defamation trial on April 14, 2022. As a therapist and author of several books about partner abuse I've been following this case for a couple of years and was particularly interested in taking a detailed look at this testimony. 

As I worked my way through Dr Anderson's testimony, I developed more and more questions about the therapy and this post became much more extensive than I anticipated.