Own Your Thoughts and Feelings & Let Others Own Theirs

Owning your thoughts and feelings and letting other people own theirs is a foundational part of healthy communication skills. 

It creates an attitude that makes it easier to present your ideas in a tactful way. And it helps you listen to other people without getting triggered or defensive. 

What does it mean to own thoughts and feelings?

Your thoughts and feelings create your problems, opinions, wants, and needs, so--when you own your thoughts and feelings you are also owning your problems, opinions, wants and needs. 

When you own your thoughts and feelings, you understand that they are created in this moment from 3 things:

1. your biology (including your genetics and your health),
2. everything that’s ever happened to you, and
3. everything you've ever been exposed to.

Your thoughts and feelings may be different than they were 5 minutes or 5 years ago, or the same. They may be different than they will be 5 minutes or 5 years from now, or the same. They are just what you have going on right now.

Putting it out there for consideration

If you own your stuff, you can express your thoughts and feelings from a position of ownership—just putting them out there for consideration. When you own your stuff, you:

• don’t expect someone else to change just because you’ve got a problem, want, or need;
• don’t expect that others will adopt your opinion just because you've got one; and
• can be less intimidated about voicing your ideas because you’re just offering them for consideration.

Letting other people own their stuff

If you let other people own their stuff, you get it.

Their thoughts and feelings are created in this moment by those three things: their biology (which includes their genetics and health), everything that's ever happened to them, and everything they've ever been exposed to.

Their thoughts and feelings may be different than they were 5 minutes or 5 years ago, or the same. They may be different than they will be 5 minutes or 5 years from now, or the same. It's just what they have going on right now.

If you let other people own their stuff, you can:

• listen to their problems/opinions/wants/needs without feeling threatened;
• consider what they have going on; and
• make your own decisions about what you think and feel about the subject.

Putting it into action

To get used to owning your thoughts and feelings, you may have to remind yourself: "I'm just putting it out there what I think and feel. It's my stuff."

To get used to letting other people own their thoughts and feelings, you may have to remind yourself: "It's OK. I can hear them out. I still get to have my perspective."

More communication help and resources

To learn more about Emotions, Talking With Tact, and Listening That Works check out my mini books:

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