The Fawn Stress Response: What It Is and How It Drives People-Pleasing

Unlike the fight-or-flight responses to stress, a person who automatically reacts to a perceived threat with a fawn response tries to appease, please, and placate the threat source. 

Compulsive people-pleasing is an example of fawning. The compulsion is an automatic reaction to anxiety triggered by the perception that someone is unhappy with you or would be disappointed if you don't quickly give in, comply, or do something to change their mood.

The Four Fs Response to Stress and Trauma

You are probably familiar with the fight and flight stress responses. They describe two automatic ways the body reacts to danger. When there's a threat, the nervous system prepares to either confront it or escape it.

Over time, experts have recognized additional automatic stress responses and expanded the list while keeping the alliteration: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

People might favor one of these stress reactions or switch between them depending on the situation, triggers, or personal history.

These reactions don't need a real or immediate threat. The nervous system just has to view something as threatening for the stress response to kick in.

What is the Fawn Response to Stress and Trauma?

You may be the least familiar with the idea of fawning being a response to threats. 

The fawn response involves trying to accommodate or prioritize the source of the perceived threat in order to avoid conflict, rejection, or harm. 

This response is not a conscious choice. It is an automatic survival pattern that can develop in environments where keeping others calm or satisfied feels necessary for safety.

Signs of the fawn stress response can include:

• Compulsive need to make others happy
• Emotion suppression
• Seeking external validation
• Difficulty saying no
• Inauthentic
• Feeling anxious about others' approval
• Conflict avoidance

Not all of these signs appear in every situation. People experience the fawn response differently depending on personality, past experiences, and the nature of the perceived threat.

Examples of "Fawn" Stress or Trauma Reactions

The fawn response can manifest in different ways when triggered. It can range from being protective to harmful, depending on the reaction and situation.

Hostage Situation: Complying with demands to avoid harm in a dangerous situation.

Submission: Using submissive, agreeing language and actions to de-escalate a person or situation.

People-Pleasing: Going out of your way to make others happy or meet their needs, even at the expense of your own well-being.

Poor Boundaries: Prioritizing maintaining relationships and avoiding conflict over your own personal boundaries and needs.

Over-Apologizing: Apologizing excessively to placate others and avoid anger.

Excessive Helpfulness: Going out of your way to help others in order to gain their approval.

Desperate to Avoid Rejection: Being overly agreeable or compliant to avoid rejection or disapproval.

Approval-Seeking: Constantly seeking validation and approval from others to feel safe and accepted.

Minimizing Needs: Putting others' needs above your own to avoid conflict or negative reactions.

Over-Accommodating: Being overly agreeable or compliant in an attempt to fit in and avoid disapproval.

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