How to make a safety plan if she is violent

How to make a safety plan if she is violent

Domestic Violence against men is real. If your wife or girlfriend is angry and abusive, take it seriously. Just because you are a guy doesn't mean she can't hurt you. Make a safety plan.

If you are the friend or relative of a man in danger, pass on this information to him and help him make a plan to keep himself and his children safe.

(Note: I have included this Safety Plan and more in a FREE ebook. I'll tell you more about it later in this post.)  

Common advice for safety planning includes:  

1. Identify believable excuses for getting out of the house if you see her escalate. Possibly:

  • walk the dog,
  • go to the store, or
  • go out to pick up dinner.

2. Identify the red flags that your partner’s anger is ramping up.

3. Identify places in your home and workplace that are relatively safe and dangerous. When an argument is occurring or feels imminent:

  • avoid spaces with no exit (closets, bathrooms),
  • avoid rooms with weapons (kitchen, garage), and
  • stay close to a doorway.

4. Establish a code word, phrase, or sign (a certain light is on or blinking, a shade is down . . .) so that neighbors, family, friends, or co-workers know when you need help. Tell them what they should do if you use the code (call the police . . .).

5. Practice getting out of your home and workplace safely. Notice what windows, doors, stairways, elevators, and other exit pathways work best.

6. Keep your car ready for a fast exit:

  • Keep it well fueled.
  • Park it facing the road.

7. Prepare an emergency stash of personal items and documents for you and the children. (I go into more detail about the items in the downloadable pdf.)

8. Keep track of your phone and keys and try to keep them near you at all times. (But don’t count on them.)

9. Hide an extra set of home and car keys and a cell phone. Cell phone options include:

  • a used cell phone that is refurbished to only call emergency numbers, or
  • a prepaid phone that can store phone numbers in case you don’t have access to your phone and contact list.

10. Plan where you would go in an emergency.

11. Know the routes to the police, fire station, hospital, and 24-hour stores.

12. If you own guns, know where they are. Assess how to keep them safe and whether it would be best to have them removed from your home. If she uses them against you, you’re in trouble; and if you use them against her, you’re in trouble.

13. Talk to local domestic violence agencies to determine whether there are resources available to you and your children. (Unfortunately, many don’t accommodate men.)

I've also created a FREE ebook that includes the Safety Plan and expands on this information in more detail.

The Safety Planning for Abused Men ebook includes:

  • Introduction
  • Make a safety plan
  • Preparing an emergency stash
  • Protecting children
  • Involving police and courts
  • Preparing to leave
  • Citations

To access the FREE Safety Planning for Abused Men ebook click here.

For more about partner abuse check out my books:

women abusing men book

Abuse OF Men BY Women: It Happens, It Hurts, and It's Time to Get Real About It

a quick look at Abuse OF Men BY Women

a quick look at Partner Abuse


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                              • Ann Silvers
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