12 Ways Partners Lie

12 Ways Partners Lie

“Everyone has a right to their own opinion,

but not to their own facts.”

—Ricky Gervais

Abusive partners often lie or use any of a dozen methods of distorting the truth to meet their self-centered objectives.

Why do people lie?

Distortions of truth may be used by an abusive partner (male or female) to:
  • cover their tracks,
  • create an illusion,
  • distract from reality,
  • make themself look good or their partner look bad,
  • garner sympathy or advantage 
  • alter the partner’s perception of the situation, or
  • to give false impressions to other people about themself or their partner.

Distortions may also be used as a source of fun. Some people enjoy the game of pulling the wool over other people’s eyes. It makes them feel powerful. It’s exhilarating.

This man's wife was a master lier:

After a man separated from his wife, he “kept unveiling deeper levels of deception.”

His wife lied at the beginning of their relationship as she was wooing him.

He was taken in by her stories at the time, but would discover much later that they were exaggerations and distortions.

During their marriage, she would often go on and on about how bad people are who cheat on their spouses, while, in reality, she was cheating on him.

She moved money into a bank account that he didn’t know about until forensic accounting discovered it during the divorce.

These deceits were just the tip of the iceberg.

12 Ways Abusive Partners Distort the Truth

How can you tell if someone is lying? Even worse, how can you tell if someone you love is lying to you? First: increase your liespotting capabilities by learning that there is more than one way to lie. 

12 Ways that people lie:

  1. pretending they are someone they are not
  2. creating a cover story
  3. “Me thinks thou doth protest too much”
  4. burying the lead
  5. telling half-truths
  6. diverting
  7. minimizing
  8. exaggerating
  9. denying the truth
  10. withholding information
  11. selective memory
  12. straight-up lying

    1. Pretending they are someone they are not

    They weave stories that present themself as someone very different than reality in order to hook a partner or hide their true self during the relationship.

    2. Creating a cover story

    They present a story about their whereabouts/actions or someone else’s actions with the goal of preempting doubts or concerns their partner may have about them.


    3. “Me thinks thou doth protest too much”

    They go out of their way to talk about how abhorrent a particular behavior is while they are secretly doing that same thing.


    4. Burying the lead

    They disclose that they have done something not-good but it’s said quietly, when their partner is distracted, or buried in amongst other information; then they can safely assume the partner won’t hear it, but they can say they said it.


    5. Telling half-truths

    They say things that are partially true with a flair and twist, leading the hearer to draw conclusions that aren’t true.


    6. Diverting

    They change the subject when their partner is honing in on something they don’t want the partner to know.


    7. Minimizing

    They minimize their wrongdoing to make it seem less important or “bad” than it really is, and/or they minimize their partner’s accomplishments and attributes to make the partner seem less “good.”


    8. Exaggerating

    They exaggerate their accomplishments, contributions, abilities . . ., and/or they exaggerate their partner’s shortcomings.


    9. Denying the truth

    They claim that that which is true—is false.


    10. Withholding information

    They lie by omission rather than commission.


    11. Selective memory

    They claim that conversations or events that happened didn’t happen.


    12. Straight-up lying

    As one woman described her husband: “If his lips are moving, he’s lying.”


    For More About Partner Abuse, Check Out My Books (print and electronic):

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    domestic violence against men booka quick look at Abuse OF Men By Women





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    • Ann Silvers
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