How do they lie? Let me count the ways.
“Everyone has a right to their own opinion,
but not to their own facts.”
Abusive partners often lie or use any of a dozen methods of distorting the truth to meet their self-centered objectives.
Distortions of truth may be used by an abusive partner (male or female) to cover their tracks, create an illusion, distract from reality, make themself look good or their partner look bad, garner sympathy or advantage . . . The goal may be to alter the partner’s perception of the situation, or to give false impressions to other people about themself or their partner.
Distortions may also be used as a source of fun. Some people enjoy the game of pulling the wool over other people’s eyes. It makes them feel powerful. It’s exhilarating.
This man's wife was a master lier:
After a man separated from his wife, he “kept unveiling deeper levels of deception.”
His wife lied at the beginning of their relationship as she was wooing him. He was taken in by her stories at the time, but would discover much later that they were exaggerations and distortions.
During their marriage, she would often go on and on about how bad people are who cheat on their spouses, while, in reality, she was cheating on him.
She moved money into a bank account that he didn’t know about until forensic accounting discovered it during the divorce.
These deceits were just the tip of the iceberg.
12 Ways Abusive Partners Distort the Truth:
- pretending they are someone they are not
- creating a cover story
- “Me thinks thou doth protest too much”
- burying the lead
- telling half-truths
- denying the truth
- withholding information
- selective memory
- straight-up lying
1. Pretending they are someone they are not
They weave stories that present themself as someone very different than reality in order to hook a partner or hide their true self during the relationship.
2. Creating a cover story
They present a story about their whereabouts/actions or someone else’s actions with the goal of preempting doubts or concerns their partner may have about them.
3. “Me thinks thou doth protest too much”
They go out of their way to talk about how abhorrent a particular behavior is while they are secretly doing that same thing.
4. Burying the lead
They disclose that they have done something not-good but it’s said quietly, when their partner is distracted, or buried in amongst other information; then they can safely assume the partner won’t hear it, but they can say they said it.
5. Telling half-truths
They say things that are partially true with a flair and twist, leading the hearer to draw conclusions that aren’t true.
They change the subject when their partner is honing in on something they don’t want the partner to know.
They minimize their wrongdoing to make it seem less important or “bad” than it really is, and/or they minimize their partner’s accomplishments and attributes to make the partner seem less “good.”
They exaggerate their accomplishments, contributions, abilities . . ., and/or they exaggerate their partner’s shortcomings.
9. Denying the truth
They claim that that which is true—is false.
10. Withholding information
They lie by omission rather than commission.
11. Selective memory
They claim that conversations or events that happened didn’t happen.
12. Straight-up lying
As one man described his wife: “If her lips are moving, she’s lying.”
For More About Partner Abuse, Check Out My Books (print and electronic):
- Ann Silvers