12 Ways Partners Lie

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“Everyone has a right to their own opinion,

but not to their own facts.”

—Ricky Gervais

Abusive partners often lie or use any of a dozen methods of distorting the truth to meet their self-centered objectives.

Why do people lie?

Distortions of truth may be used by an abusive partner (male or female) to:

cover their tracks,
create an illusion,
distract from reality,
make themself look good or their partner look bad,
garner sympathy or advantage
alter the partner’s perception of the situation, or
to give false impressions to other people about themself or their partner.

Distortions may also be used as a source of fun. Some people enjoy the game of pulling the wool over other people’s eyes. It makes them feel powerful. It’s exhilarating.

This man's wife was a master lier:

After a man separated from his wife, he “kept unveiling deeper levels of deception.”

His wife lied at the beginning of their relationship as she was wooing him.

He was taken in by her stories at the time, but would discover much later that they were exaggerations and distortions.

During their marriage, she would often go on and on about how bad people are who cheat on their spouses, while, in reality, she was cheating on him.

She moved money into a bank account that he didn’t know about until forensic accounting discovered it during the divorce.

These deceits were just the tip of the iceberg.

12 Ways Abusive Partners Distort the Truth

How can you tell if someone is lying? Even worse, how can you tell if someone you love is lying to you? First: increase your liespotting capabilities by learning that there is more than one way to lie.

12 Ways that people lie:

pretending they are someone they are not
creating a cover story
“Me thinks thou doth protest too much”
burying the lead
telling half-truths
diverting
minimizing
exaggerating
denying the truth
withholding information
selective memory
straight-up lying

1. Pretending they are someone they are not

They weave stories that present themself as someone very different than reality in order to hook a partner or hide their true self during the relationship.

2. Creating a cover story

They present a story about their whereabouts/actions or someone else’s actions with the goal of preempting doubts or concerns their partner may have about them.

3. “Me thinks thou doth protest too much”

They go out of their way to talk about how abhorrent a particular behavior is while they are secretly doing that same thing.

4. Burying the lead

They disclose that they have done something not-good but it’s said quietly, when their partner is distracted, or buried in amongst other information; then they can safely assume the partner won’t hear it, but they can say they said it.

5. Telling half-truths

They say things that are partially true with a flair and twist, leading the hearer to draw conclusions that aren’t true.

6. Diverting

They change the subject when their partner is honing in on something they don’t want the partner to know.

7. Minimizing

They minimize their wrongdoing to make it seem less important or “bad” than it really is, and/or they minimize their partner’s accomplishments and attributes to make the partner seem less “good.”

8. Exaggerating

They exaggerate their accomplishments, contributions, abilities . . ., and/or they exaggerate their partner’s shortcomings.

9. Denying the truth

They claim that that which is true—is false.

10. Withholding information

They lie by omission rather than commission.

11. Selective memory

They claim that conversations or events that happened didn’t happen.

12. Straight-up lying

As one woman described her husband: “If his lips are moving, he’s lying.”