How to Spot a Sociopathic Liar

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How to Spot a Sociopathic Liar

 

Creating elaborate lies for their own gain with no care about who gets hurt is a hallmark of sociopathic lying. Sociopaths are compulsive pathological liars. 

Sociopaths lie without conscience.

That means that they can look you right in the eye and lie to you and not show the usual markers that would give them away.

It also means that they don’t care about collateral damage.

They get their mind set on a goal and they will make up whatever they need to in their attempts to achieve their goal. It doesn’t matter what the consequences are to others as a result of their lies. It doesn’t matter if other adults get hurt and it doesn’t matter if children get hurt. It doesn't even matter if their own children get hurt. 

 

What's in This Article

What is a Sociopath?  Psychopath? Malignant Narcissist?
Education is Protection
The Characteristics of Sociopathic Lying
Why do Sociopaths Lie?
Sociopaths Abuse Their Romantic Partners

 

For more about ways people lie, check out this post: 12 Types of Lies and Deception

 

A quick look at Partner Abuse: A Concise Overview of Domestic Violence, Emotional Abuse, and the 5 Other Forms of Partner Abuse in Straight and LGBTQ Relationships

 

What is a Sociopath? Psychopath? Malignant Narcissist?

I see sociopath and psychopath as the same thing. So, the answer to the question, "What is a psychopath?" is the same as the answer to the question, "What is a sociopath?" 

There is also overlap between sociopaths and what is being called malignant narcissists. (I talk more about the narcissist-sociopath continuum of characteristics in this blog post: Characteristics and Traits of a Narcissist.) 

One way to define sociopath: Sociopaths are parasites. 

Like other parasitic creatures, sociopaths need a “host” for survival. They are on the lookout for strong, healthy hosts. When they find a suitable host, they latch on, and aren’t satisfied until they have sucked the life out of the person who has had the misfortune of becoming their target.

 

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When we think of sociopathic people, we most often think of those that kill. But sociopathy can be put on a continuum from zero to serial killers. On this continuum, everyone past the half-way mark is going to cause problems for people who come in contact with them. As you move along the continuum of sociopathic behavior, the perpetrators become more and more destructive.

Some sociopaths (such as Jodi Arias or Scott Peterson) physically kill their targets. Others kill their psyches, financial health, self-esteem, reputation, ability to have another relationship, or their spirits.

The diagnostic manual used by mental health professionals uses the term Antisocial Personality Disorder to designate a pattern of attitudes and behaviors we commonly call psychopathy or sociopathy.

Being without conscience and enjoying lying are two key elements of sociopathic personality. These elements go hand in hand in that sociopaths’ lack of conscience means that they can lie without showing the normal markers of lying. That’s how they pull people into believing their lies and get away with as much as they get away with.

They are so practiced at lying that they respond to being caught in a lie by creating a new lie. It is very difficult to pin them down. Their lies tend to be complex and detailed.

 

Education is Protection

According to Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door, 4% of the population is sociopathic. That is 1 in 25.

We bump up against sociopathic people in our neighborhoods, workplaces, and grocery stores. Those of us who are particularly unlucky partner with one or have one in the family.

To protect yourself and people you care about, it’s worthwhile studying these people and learning what to watch out for.

 

Abuse OF Men BY Women book, all forms of partner abuse including sociopathic lying, sociopath definition

  

The Characteristics of Sociopathic Lying 

Some of the sociopath characteristics make it extra easy for them to get away with their lies. 

Sociopathic liars:

  • lie without conscience

    • don’t show the normal markers of lying

      • don’t care about collateral damage

        • are very practiced manipulators

        • make up new lies as cover stories if old lies are exposed

        • can be very charming

        • can bring up crocodile tears (fake tears they can conjure up at opportune times)

        • extract people’s sympathy

        • use detail in their lies to be convincing

         

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            Why do Sociopaths Lie?

            People so often grapple with “Why?” Why do they do it? Why would anyone make up such a lie?"

            When they can’t see a good “why” answer, they often conclude “It makes no sense for them to lie about this, therefore it must be true.”

            I’ll tell you why. It’s a simple answer really.

            Sociopaths lie because they perceive some gain from the lie.

            The gain or benefit to the liar may be:

              1. control,
              2. power,
              3. prestige,
              4. glory,
              5. money,
              6. winning an argument,
              7. punishing someone they see as an adversary,
              8. getting someone out of their way,
              9. undermining the credibility of someone who could expose their lies,
              10. notoriety,
              11. an ego boost,
              12. demeaning or humiliating others,
              13. an opportunity to practice their lying skills,
              14. enjoyment from pulling the wool over people’s eyes,
              15. sympathy,
              16. protecting their previous lies,
              17. creating an illusion of who they are, or
              18. getting something they want.

              Remember, sociopathic liars don’t have a pesky conscience to hold them back and they don’t care about collateral damage. All they care about is their self-centered gain.

              ----------------------------

              For an example of a sociopathic liar, check out this post: Rachel Dolezal─Putting a Face on Sociopathic Lying

              ----------------------------

              Sociopaths Abuse Their Romantic Partners

              Not all abusive people are sociopaths, but all sociopaths are abusive.

              I talk more about sociopathic behaviors and their impact in my book Abuse OF Men BY Women: It Happens, It Hurts, and It's Time to Get Real About It

               

              Abuse OF Men BY Women: It Happens, It Hurts, and It's Time to Get Real About It, abusive relationship, signs of an abused man, abusive marriage, emotionally abusive girlfriend, battered husband, physically abusive wife, verbally abusive

               

                 

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              • Ann Silvers
              Comments 16
              • Ann Silvers
                Ann Silvers

                Thanks for sharing your story Connie. Often the easiest way to get out of a relationship with a malignant narcissist or sociopath is if it’s their idea. Best of the best is if they have moved on to their next target.

              • Connie
                Connie

                I got married at 18 & over time I realized my husband wasn’t who I married. We had alot of major trauma in our lives & I believe HE DIDN’T process all the loss we experienced. When he later got into a high paying job he definitely got way worse. We were married over 33 years. I suffered multiple abuses from him & thru taking a great course for 6 months, my eyes were WIDE open & discovered he was a nacissist AND sociopath. He refused marriage counseling & filed for divorce. I actually thank God for saving my life! I wish I hadn’t stayed with him for so long but I was & still am a very strong Christian.

              • Gazel
                Gazel

                I believe it is possible to be a psychopath and be bipolar or to be a psychopath misdiagnosed or pretending to be bipolar.
                I know several people that are diagnosed as bipolar that are not pathological liars, however, I believe a bipolar person could also be a part logical liar and not be a psychopath.
                It’s unreasonable to label bipolar people as lazy; some of them are the hardest workers I know, when they are able to function on their higher level.

              • Ann Silvers
                Ann Silvers

                To t dog: With 4% of the population having sociopathic tendencies, we will bump up against them in our lives. It’s good to get better and better at spotting them and trying to get out of their reach.

              • t dog
                t dog

                took me ten yrs to realise I had four following me, luckily I met a girl and got rid of her for her psycho behaviour and that made it obvious three of my mates were also horrible liars.

                so now I have to reflect on myself, its quite clear im easily duped by exciting lies, so boring is best, also I believe im an expert in detecting lies and manipulation now, but still I can improve

              • Ann Silvers
                Ann Silvers

                Roxy. Thanks for sharing your story. It is very challenging to see reality when we are inside a relationship with a sociopath. It’s good to hear that you got out and it sounds like you are thriving now.

              • Roxy
                Roxy

                I was married to a man for 14 years whom I now I am convinced is a sociopath. I tried very hard to make my marriage work. I watched him turn into someone I didn’t respect, or like. Once he came home from a neighbors house sat down on the couch and told me the neighbor was going to tell me he slept with a girl down the street and not to believe him. Then he got up and went back outside. Did he ? I am asking myself. He would tell me his sacrifices to our marriage was that he didn’t cheat on me or drink. But he got high regularly.
                He became reckless, uncaring, angry. Belligerent. An all out loose canon. And he was proud of. Distant, bad attitude, disrespectful, bullying. He was uneducated. He lied and was manipulative. I got to where I couldn’t even be around him. I couldn’t get him to move out. I paid for everything and he wasn’t budging. I owned my house and a business I took care of him. I spent so much money on him for years. I loved him and wanted it to work but it continued to unravel at a rapid pace toward the end. I just couldn’t figure it out, till one day God gave me discernment when I was talking to my husband. My eyes were opened wide. It was so hard. I divorced him to survive. 14 years I was so naive. It is hard to even think about how I was so easily duped. I was a widow at the time this began and Satan the father of lies and manipulation got me sucked in for 14 years. But God brought me out of it to freedom. I am thankful and in awe of how Awesome God is and how He has provided for me through this.

              • steverinnm
                steverinnm

                “Just Some Guy”:

                If the descriptions you provided of your partner’s behavior are accurate, the “Bipolar” diagnosis is a sham. A “Bipolar” diagnosis these days seems to be a general catch-all diagnosis by general practitioners and sub-standard psychologists and psychologists whom are not specifically trained in identifying and treating Bipolar Disorders, are lazy, are inept, and/or see another repeat customer for their paycheck.

                Was your partner’s “Bipolar” diagnosis determined by peer-reviewed psychiatrists or psychologists specifically specializing in Bipolar and mood disorders? (Note: at least two specialized professionals diagnosis needed to verify “Bipolar”). A real “Bipolar” diagnosis will detail a specific Bipolar category and include a lengthily discussion outlining the severity of each subcategory of behavior, not generic overview. A diagnosis followup generally includes medications and regular visits to a licensed professional trained in bipolar and mood disorder therapy.

                Have you considered that your partner may have manipulated the diagnosing healthcare individual, thru falsifying questionnaire and interview responses, to obtain a “Bipolar” diagnosis? It’s what a sociopath would do!

                A “Bipolar” diagnosis is a “Get out of Jail Free” for a sociopath as it denotes being a “victim” rather than a “predator”, and allows the sociopath to manipulate the diagnosis as camouflage and an “excuse” when their actions are exposed.

              • Ann Silvers
                Ann Silvers

                Hi “Just Some Guy”. Thanks for telling your story. Feeling foolish for being duped is often part of the aftermath of being partnered with manipulators. Remember that it isn’t about being smart or stupid. It’s about being nieve and becoming wise through experience.

              • Just Some Guy
                Just Some Guy

                After 3.5 years I’ve finally found the answer I’ve been looking for. My partner was diagnosed bipolar, although as time passed my gut told me something was wrong.

                So many lies and these were detailed lies way more detailed than the normal person would say, these were almost script like?

                Yet he always managed to make me believe it 🤷‍♂️ I don’t know how.

                He took a lot of my money through what I now know was manipulation, stole money out of my wallet and blamed me for losing it.

                Never accepted he was wrong and then when most of money had gone he as good as disappeared with word??

                I spent ages trying work out what I did wrong, until I researched pathological lying and discovered what I now believe him to be “sociopath”

                Him being gone is not so much of an issue, but dealing with the emotions of being conned and used is hard.

                I’ve taken the no contact rule, as he still got in touch when he wanted something which was mainly sec! And I went running like a lap dog.

                I’ve reprogrammed my brain and boy does he not like not being in control of me.

                I feel for anyone who has been in this situation, lol what a mug I was, I believed everything to the point I must have said it done what he said even though I never

              • Ann Silvers
                Ann Silvers

                Hi Anon. Unfortunately, personality disorders like pathological lying, narcissism, and sociopathy are not very changeable. Most of the time these people are attached to the benefits they get from their way of being. Analyze the data points you gather about who he really is. When people are caught in lies and they make up other lies or diversions to cover up their lying, those are signs of a practiced liar. You might also benefit from looking at my post about different ways people lie: https://annsilvers.com/blogs/news/how-do-they-lie-let-me-count-the-ways

              • Anon
                Anon

                I’m married to one. And I’m hurting. All he does is blame me on why he lies, and gets upset at me when he’s caught! I even started to approach him calmly about his lies and that hasn’t made him want to change. Is divorce in my future? Can these people change?

              • Ann Silvers
                Ann Silvers

                To JustSomeGuy. It is terrible for those of us who happen to get pulled into relationships and marriages by these people. That’s one of the reasons I wrote the book, “Abuse OF Men BY Women” — to help people understand what to do if you’re inside the relationship, how to get out, and how to protect yourself from becoming their prey.

              • JustSomeGuy
                JustSomeGuy

                I wish I had found this sooner… I’ve just discovered I’m married to one – and it’s the most painful thing I have ever been through.

              • Jan Brimacombe
                Jan Brimacombe

                For the first time in 30+ years I have finally found the correct diagnosis for my 42yo daughter. I thought she was bipolar (which she said she was at one stage) but reading your article…oh my God, this is her. She has (and has done) every single one of the traits you have outlined. Thankyou so much. At least now I know what I’m dealing with.

              • Gail Owen
                Gail Owen

                I know a Sociopathic liar

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