What Causes Low Self-Esteem?

9 Sources of Low Self-Esteem

Many people who struggle with low self-worth were exposed to one or more of the following experiences.

Harsh criticism or rejection 

Repeated disapproval, ridicule, or being made to feel like you never measured up can erode your sense of value. This might come from parents, teachers, peers, or partners.

Their words can keep being played in your head for years. 

Bullying or social exclusion 

Being bullied, mocked, or left out, especially during childhood and adolescence, can leave lasting emotional scars, 

Perfectionistic expectations

If love or approval felt conditional — based on perfect performance — you may have learned to tie your worth to unrealistic and unattainable achievements. 

When perfection is the goal, you will constantly feel like you don't measure up. 

Abuse or trauma

Emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, or other traumas, can deeply damage your self-image and create an enduring feeling of being fatally flawed.

Neglect

Being ignored, emotionally unsupported, or consistently overlooked — especially by caregivers during formative years — can lead to the belief that something about you makes you unworthy.

The reality is, it wasn’t about your worth. It was about their limitations and inability to show up in a caring way.

Learning difficulties, disabilities, or other limitations

Struggling in school or other areas of life can create the belief that you're “not good enough.”

Having done something you regret

Past mistakes or poor choices can weigh heavily on your self-esteem.

Failing at something that mattered deeply

When your identity or self-worth is tied to a goal — like making it as an athlete, musician, or entrepreneur — and that dream doesn’t pan out, it can feel like more than a disappointment.

Instead of thinking "I tried but didn't make it," or even “I failed at this,” you can internalize it as “I am a failure.”

The “Pride is Bad” rule

Some people are taught that feeling good about themselves is wrong: that pride is arrogant or sinful. If you absorb that message as truth, it can block your ability to internalize accomplishments or view successes as signs you’re doing well or even OK.

Reality check: While it’s not healthy to be boastful or arrogant, it is healthy to feel a sense of earned pride and self-worth.

What You Can Do Next

Understanding where low self-esteem comes from helps explain why certain beliefs and reactions feel so persistent. Once the sources are clearer, it becomes easier to decide what needs attention and how to move forward in a more intentional way.

If you want support processing the emotional weight of past experiences, guided journaling can help you work through what you’ve been carrying. Two of my workbook/journals are particularly well-suited to assist you in working through your stuff and making positive changes.

Learn, Let Go, Lighten Up: Silver Lining Emotional Detox Journal & Workbook
is designed to help you unpack old hurts, release stuck emotions, and gain insight through structured prompts and reflective exercises. It focuses on emotional processing and letting go of patterns that no longer serve you.

Building Skills to Uplevel Life: Silver Lining Emotional Intelligence Workbook focuses on strengthening self-esteem through practical tools. It helps you challenge negative self-talk, reframe mistakes, recognize strengths, and build healthier emotional habits step by step.

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