The Authenticity Continuum: Too Little, Too Much, and Healthy Green Zone

Authentic was Merriam-Webster's recent Word of the Year. It makes sense and at the same time is rather ironic given that we see so many examples of pretense and distortion, from the prevalence of fake body parts driven by desire to meet idealized standards to carefully curated social media personas that hide a different reality behind the mask. 

Are you wondering:

What does authentic mean?

What is authenticity?

What does it mean to be authentically yourself?

I'm excited to see the word authentic get this positive attention. Authenticity is one of the qualities/skills that made it onto my Top 40 Relationship Boosters list. It's crucially important for personal and relationship success.

When you are authentic, you are more likely to feel better about yourself, attract genuine connections, find true happiness, and create a positive impact on the world around you.

Like all qualities, it is also a skill. Healthy use of the quality lies in the middle of the continuum between too little and too much.

What's in this Post

What Does Authentic Mean?

Authentic is an adjective that describes a person, place, thing, or experience that is genuine, real, or true, without any imitation, deceit, or distortion. 

Authenticity Definition 

My definition of healthy authenticity is being real with others and with yourself. It includes getting to know your genuine thoughts and feelings, dealing with them consciously, and not stuffing them or pretending they are something different than they are. 

Healthy authenticity helps you decide what, when, and where you reveal yourself, as well as with whom and to what degree. 

Brené Brown's Definition of Authenticity

Brené Brown is an influential researcher, speaker, and author who has gained recognition for her work on topics such as vulnerability, resilience, and authenticity. (For more about Brené, check out another of my posts: Brené Brown Vulnerability Definition and Quotes with Images.) 

Here's a couple of my favorite Brené Brown quotes explaining her view of the meaning of authenticity.

•  "Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen." - Brené Brown

•  "Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are." - Brené Brown

The Authenticity Continuum

Like any quality, having too little authenticity is unhealthy and having too much is also unhealthy. Being on either end of the authenticity continuum extracts costs from ourselves and the people around us. We want to aim for the middle green zone. 

Words to Label Unhealthy Levels of Authenticity

The graphic includes a word to label each end of the too little and too much ends of the authenticity continuum. Here are some more words that can label underusing or overusing authenticity. (It's not a complete list. Add some words that come to mind for you in the comments section.)

Examples of Too Little Authenticity 

Being on the too little end of the authenticity continuum shows up in many different ways, driven by a desire to deceive, fit in, manipulate, please, or avoid.

Here are some examples of inauthenticity:

1. The Cover-up: We can't talk about too little authenticity without acknowledging the most blatant example which is driven by a desire to hide wrongdoing. (Check out my post 12 Types of Lies and Deception for the many ways people use to cover their tracks.)

2. People-Pleasing: Constantly agreeing with others or suppressing your opinions and desires to gain approval, not rock the boat, or avoid disappointing others comes with a big personal cost. 

3. Virtual Persona: Social media is exposing the willingness some people have to present an inauthentic, glorified image of themselves. 

4. Avoiding Vulnerability: Fear of being or appearing weak or imperfect can compel people to create and maintain a facade of strength or perfection. In reality, vulnerability is a strength. 

5. Fear of Disapproval: Being overly cautious or overly focused on the approval of others squelches your voice. 

6. Surface-Level Connections: Keeping relationships and interactions superficial, avoiding deeper conversations or sharing authentic feelings might give you a  sense of control and avoid potential discomfort.

7. Manipulative Maneuvering: Manipulators aren't honest. They use deceitful tactics to influence others, cover the truth, or exert control. 

8. Avoiding Conflict: Refusing to engage in conflicts or disagreements in order to maintain a facade of harmony, avoid potential discomfort or disapproval, or fit a role backfires when those conflicts would be better addressed. 

9. Blind Adherence to Social Norms: Conforming strictly to societal norms, expectations, or trends without considering personal values or preferences stunts individuality.

10. Perfectionism: Constantly striving for perfection in what you do, look like, and achieve can get in the way of genuine self-expression. It undermines your self-esteem, mental health, and ability to achieve success and feel successful. 

11. Fear of Judgment: Letting the fear of judgment dictate behavior, choices, or what you say results in a life lived according to other people's expectations rather than what you really want. 

12. Chameleon Behavior: Some people change behavior, appearance, or opinions based on their surroundings or people they're with. This is particularly common with people who have Borderline Personality Disorder. 

It's important to recognize that finding the right balance on the authenticity continuum involves being true to yourself while also considering the particular situation you're in and the impact of your actions on others.

Examples of Too Much Authenticity 

via GIPHY

While authenticity is generally a good thing, being too authentic comes at a cost to the individual being overly authentic or people around them.

Don't burn people with your authenticity. When considering how much to share it's important to read the room. 

Here are a few examples of toxic authenticity:

1. Too Much Information (TMI): Over-sharing deeply personal or intimate details without considering the appropriateness of the setting or who you're talking to can make people uncomfortable. Healthy vulnerability respects people's boundaries.

2. Being Brutally Honest: Expressing yourself in a way that lacks tact or consideration for others' feelings can come across as harsh. Tact is the ability to say your honest opinion and deliver it in a respectful way. And it's knowing when to express your thoughts and feelings, and when not to. 

3. Disregarding Professional Norms: In a professional setting, being excessively casual or informal to the point of ignoring workplace expectations may be being too authentic. 

4. Expressing Unfiltered Emotions Constantly: While expressing emotions is healthy, constantly sharing every feeling that comes up without considering the impact on others can make whoever is on the receiving end retreat. Healthy authenticity isn't oblivious to other people's thoughts, feelings, and comfort level.

5. Refusing to Conform in Group Settings: In certain group situations, refusing to conform to social expectations can create tension. Being too authentic might be perceived as a lack of consideration for the group. (I'm not talking about times that it's important to buck the system or stand up against unreasonable expectations or prejudices. Trying to live in the authenticity green zone includes developing skill in thinking through what's appropriate and when.)

6. Unfiltered Criticism: Criticism can be constructive if delivered thoughtfully. Healthy authenticity communicates feedback in a way that encourages growth rather than tearing someone down.

7. Aggressive Persuasion: You can assertively present your perspective in a tactful way, but be careful about being too pushy. Let people have their own perspective. Own your problems, opinions, wants, and needs—and let other people own theirs. 

These examples don't take away from the value of authenticity. They highlight the importance of self-awareness and adaptability in different situations. 

Getting into the authenticity green zone involves striking a balance between being true to yourself while also taking into account the circumstances and impact on the people around you. 

What are the Benefits of Being Authentic?

Practicing the skill of authenticity can have a positive impact on your personal well-being and your relationships.

Authenticity allows you to live your life instead of someone else's.

Being authentic can boost your self-confidence and self-acceptance since you are not constantly trying to live up to expectations set by culture or other people.  It also helps you make decisions that align with your values — leading to a greater sense of purpose and satisfaction.

Authenticity helps you have genuine connections and relationships with others. People are more likely to trust and respect you when you're in the authenticity green zone. 

11 Roadblocks to Authenticity

While authenticity is valuable for creating genuine connections and personal well-being, roadblocks can get in the way of embracing and expressing your authentic self.

1. Fear of Judgment: The fear of being judged by others can be a significant obstacle to authenticity. People may hesitate to show their true selves if they are overly worried about how others will see them.

2. Social Expectations: Group and cultural norms and expectations often pressure individuals to conform to certain standards or roles. This pressure can discourage people from expressing their thoughts, feelings, or identities.

3. Perfectionism: The pursuit of perfection can prevent authenticity, as perfectionists may fear that revealing imperfections or vulnerabilities will lead to criticism or rejection. 

4. Cultural Conditioning: Cultural backgrounds and upbringing—including family, religion, group, or nationality—can instill certain beliefs or behaviors that conflict with an individual's authentic self. Adhering to cultural norms might limit the expression of your true identity.

5. Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may doubt the value of their authentic selves, fearing that others won't accept or appreciate them for who they are.

6. Comparison to Others: Constantly comparing yourself to others can get in the way of authenticity. You may distort your personality or ambitions to fit into a certain mold. Social media has made this a bigger problem. Many people present a selective picture of themselves online. If you try to reproduce their life, it's not likely to be satisfying since the script you're trying to follow is fiction. 

7. Lack of Self-Awareness: Some people may not have a clear understanding of their authentic selves, making it difficult to express something they are not fully aware of.

8. People-pleasing: A strong desire to please others or gain approval can lead individuals to suppress their authentic thoughts, feelings, and desires.

9. Past Trauma: Previous experiences of rejection, criticism, or trauma can create a reluctance to be vulnerable and open, hindering authentic self-expression.

10. Insecurity: Feelings of insecurity about your identity, abilities, or worthiness can make it challenging to embrace and display authenticity.

11. Overemphasis on Image: A focus on maintaining a certain image, whether in the professional or social realm, may lead individuals to present a glorified version of themselves rather than their authentic selves.

Overcoming these roadblocks often involves self-reflection, self-compassion, and a willingness to confront and challenge limiting beliefs. Encouraging surroundings (people, systems, and cultures) that celebrate authenticity and self-discovery can also play a crucial role in helping individuals overcome these barriers.

Help for Becoming Your Authentic Self

My most recent book, Building Skills to Uplevel Life: Silver Lining Emotional Intelligence Workbook, provides information, tips, and worksheets to help get your authenticity in the healthy green zone and make your life better in so many ways!

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