Abuse OF Men BY Women: Stats, Signs, Stories, and Support

Abuse of men by women is real—but often dismissed, ignored, or misunderstood. This hub post brings together a wide range of my blog posts on this difficult but important topic. Whether you're looking for signs of abuse, real-life stories from men who’ve lived it, stats and research, or tools for healing and support—you’ll find it here.

Use this guide to explore the topics that matter most to you, with quick links provided throughout for easy navigation.

You’ll also find links to my books and interviews on the subject, along with research from university professors and psychologists who are helping shine a light on this often-overlooked issue.

What's in This Post

What is Partner Abuse?

Before getting into posts that focus on female-to-male abuse, here are some that explain elements of partner abuse in any gender configuration. 

• What is Intimate Partner Abuse?
  
• What is the Cycle of Abuse?

Abuse Of Men By Women: What It Looks Like 

These links are for posts that describe what each form of partner abuse looks like when wives and girlfriends abuse men.

Female abuse of male partners includes all the abuse categories:

• Verbal
• Sexual
• Financial
• Physical
• Spiritual
• Legal
• Emotional/psychological

These posts focus on specific types of psychological abuse:

• Signs of a Controlling Woman
  
• Parental Alienation Hurts
  

These address one way women sexually abuse men:

• 8 Red Flags the Pregnancy is a Trap
  
• Baby Traps: Fake Positive Pregnancy and Paternity DNA Tests
  

Statistics: How Often Does It Happen?

This post provides stats on the prevalence of men being on the receiving end of partner abuse, with links to sources: How Many Men are Abused by Women?

Why Does It Happen? Why Is It Hard to Believe?

People have a difficult time recognizing that women can and do abuse their male partners. Here are a few posts that address different why questions:

• Why do Women Abuse Men?
  
• Patriarchy Isn't The Only or Main Reason for Partner Abuse
• Why Do People Stay in Abusive Relationships?
• Why is it So Hard To Recognize Abuse OF Men BY Women as a Problem?

The Harm Done

Besides discounting that female-to-male partner abuse happens, people also often assume that it doesn't hurt when it does happen. The truth is that being abused hurts the targets of that abuse, whatever gender they are. 

• It Hurts: How Abuse by Wives and Girlfriends Affects Male Partners
  

Since abuse can cause depression, and depression in men can look different than it does  in women, this post may be helpful to you: 

• Depression in Men: It Happens More Than You Think

The suicide rate for men is very concerning. The suicide rate for divorced men is even more alarming. Men are 4 times more likely to suicide than women. Divorced men are over 8 times more likely to suicide than divorced women. 

One way that abused men are harmed is through secondary abuse from professionals who are supposed to help victims of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) but are only able to see men as perpetrators.

• What's Wrong with the Duluth Model for DV Treatment?
  

Abused Men's Stories 

My book Abuse OF Men BY Women: It Happens, It Hurts, and It's Time to Get Real About It includes men's experiences to illustrate the points being made. 

Here are a couple of blog posts written by abused men who reached out to me after the book was written, eager to have their story told. Whereas the book has snippets of men's stories, these posts provide more a look at the many elements of their experience. 

• Love Shouldn't Hurt. A Battered Husband's Story
  
• The Pain and Strain of Dealing with an Abusive Wife: An Abused Husband's Story
  

The Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trials in the UK and US provided a detailed look at an abused man and abusive woman. I studied the trials and wrote several posts that include analysis of trial testimony and links to videos. Johnny Depp and Amber Heard Relationship and Legal Battles Timeline summarizes their story and directs you to the other posts that expand on what went on. 

Support and Resources

Help for abused men is limited, but I use the Mental Health and Partner Abuse Resources for Men post to pass on what I have found. 

For men who are physically abused, or with a partner who threatens physical violence directly or is escalating, this information is crucially important: How to Make a Safety Plan if She is Violent.

Audio and Video Recordings

I've been interviewed about various aspects of abuse of men by women many times on podcasts and news outlets. Some of them can be found here. My radio interview with Richard Syrett covered a lot of ground. I transcribed parts of it and broke it down into topics.  

Books

My partner abuse books include one that covers all gender configurations and two that focus on female-to-male abuse.

• A quick look at Partner Abuse: A Concise Overview of Domestic Violence, Emotional Abuse, and the 5 Other Forms of Partner Abuse in Straight and LGBTQ Relationships (1st Edition Downloadable PDF and print, 2nd Edition eBook)
  
• A Quick Look at Abuse OF Men BY Women (1st Edition Downloadable PDF and print, 2nd Edition eBook)
• Abuse OF Men BY Women: It Happens, It Hurts, and It's Time to Get Real About It (Available in print and eBook formats from my eStore and Amazon.)
  

I contributed a chapter on treating abused men for the Routledge Handbook of Men’s Victimisation in Intimate Relationships. Publication date May 2025. 

You may also be interested in my many other self-help/helper-help books with info, tips, and activities for repairing relationships and healing from the impact of abuse. You can check them out here.  

Of particular note: My newest book, Building Skills to Uplevel Life: Silver Lining Emotional Intelligence Workbook, is a comprehensive workbook with step-by-step guidance for working through stressors and boosting resilience. (Great resource for therapists and teachers too!)

Counseling

If you'd like to talk about working with me as a counseling client, you can complete the contact form found here. 

Related Research Articles and Video

There is growing interest in the topic of abused men. Here are some articles by researchers.

New in 2025

Russell, B., Cox, J. M., & Stewart, H. (2025). Intimate partner violence myths toward male victims: Exploring gender, sexism, and participant perpetration and victimization. Psychology of Men & Masculinities, 26(2), 169–180.

Gender-Biased Public Response to Intimate Partner Violence

Social experiment: Domestic Violence in PUBLIC!  Video, London, UK, ManKInd Inititative, 2015

Psychologists Gender-Biased Assessment of Psychologically Abusive Behaviors

Follingstad, D. R., Dehart, D. D., & Green, E. P. (2004). Psychologists' judgments of psychologically aggressive actions when perpetrated by a husband versus a wife. Violence and Victims, 19(4), 435–452. 

Impact of Abuse

Coker, A. L., Davis, K. E., Arias, I., Desai, S., Sanderson, M., Brandt, H. M., & Smith, P. H. (2002). Physical and mental health effects of intimate partner violence for men and women. American journal of preventive medicine, 23(4), 260–268. 

What Helps and Hurts Abused Men

Moore, T. (2021). Suggestions to improve outcomes for male victims of domestic abuse: A review of the literature. SN Social Sciences, 1(10). 

Secondary Abuse 

Walker, A., Lyall, K., Silva, D., Craigie, G., Mayshak, R., Costa, B., Hyder, S., & Bentley, A. (2020). Male victims of female-perpetrated intimate partner violence, help-seeking, and reporting behaviors: A qualitative study. Psychology of Men & Masculinities, 21(2), 213–223. 

Machado, A., Hines, D., & Douglas, E. M. (2020). Male victims of female-perpetrated partner violence: A qualitative analysis of men’s experiences, the impact of violence, and perceptions of their worth. Psychology of Men & Masculinities, 21(4), 612–621. 

Moore, T. Suggestions to improve outcomes for male victims of domestic abuse: a review of the literature. SN Soc Sci 1, 252 (2021). 

Impact of Helpseeking Experiences

Douglas, E. M., & Hines, D. A. (2011). The Helpseeking Experiences of Men Who Sustain Intimate Partner Violence: An Overlooked Population and Implications for Practice. Journal of family violence, 26(6), 473–485. 

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